My Muse
by Crzywildstar7
Summary: NH BT PJ L? Haley is at Harvard and is assigned to find her muse and must mend past friendships too. DramaAngst all the way!
1. Default Chapter

Chapter 1: My Assignment Argggg, I hate Mondays. They bring me only absolute annoyance in waking up to go to a dull class. Yeah, I was the valedictorian. Yeah, I made it into Harvard. And once again, yeah, I got a "wonderful internship that is bursting to the seams with potential" (quoted by my adorable parents, who have planned my entire future out meticulously). But do I enjoy any of these wonderful experiences? NO.  
  
College definitely sucks for one thing. I mean I was prepared for riotous parties, the hormone-driven frats, and the slutty bimbos, but not for the workload. I do love the subject I study, but according to my Journalism and English professors, I haven't "quite tapped the stream of my promising communication abilities and that with a muse, I may be inspired to use my budding talent as it should be used" (translation: They think I have a skill, but I don't know how to use it---WTF? I SO know how to use my skill!!!).  
  
So, they gave me an assignment to write about "my muse".  
  
OK, if you know anything about me, then you would know that I was pissed off beyond my limit. I was shaking with such fury, that if I had not called Lucas, I may have strangled both of those academic scholars and buried them six feet under the school.  
  
So here I am on a Monday morning, thinking about this stupid ass "self discovery" paper. I arrived at class late as usually and received a glare from that stuck up bitch of a teacher. I sat in the last row of seats completely absorbed thinking about this paper. I was abruptly pulled out of my thoughts, when I was tapped on the shoulder. The finger tapping me belonged to one of my friends. Her name was Cheyenne and she had brown curly hair and beautiful.  
  
"You seem pissed," she started off.  
  
"Well you certainly are Ms. Observant today," I replied hastily. I wasn't in the talking mood.  
  
"Geez, I try, try, try, and what do I get in return? Nothing but a bitted remark," she said dramatically. I looked at her distastefully, but swallowed my next vicious remark that was forming on my tongue. I sighed loudly.  
  
"I'm sorry, Cheyenne. It's just that I'm in a pissy mood. You know that paper I have to write? Well I can't figure out how to start it off, and it has been eating away at my insides."  
  
"O right, that muse paper. Well that's simple; just write about how I bring an ever-glowing light upon your own dull lackluster one. Just emphasize my perfectedness and you'll be fine."  
  
"Hahaha, you know you seem to be experiencing a multi-personality syndrome. I mean first, you went all Captain Obvious on me, and now you're all Ms. Humor-Is-My-Name. Go to the psychology department and get it checked out."  
  
"Haley, how about you forget about it? I mean, these things are supposed to come naturally. We'll go to a party and you'll meet your "muse" (she did this with the finger quotation---omg why am I friends with her? I ask myself that question everyday and I have never been able to answer it...). Then you just gotta write about how he made you all passionate and shit like that. O you know how sappy professors are."  
  
"Yeah... but I want this one to have actual meaning."  
  
"Well give this a shot, who knows you may even find your Mr. Prince-in- shining-armor," she sheepishly joked. I shook my head with laughter and nodded in agreement to the plans she had for tonight.  
  
Boy was I in for a night of surprises, old high school enemies, and exhaustion. 


	2. A Confidence Makeover

Chapter 2: A Confidence Makeover  
  
Unfortunately, I only had one class today. So when it was done, Cheyenne grabbed me and pulled me to her dorm. Now you may have gotten the impression that I am naturally angry with the world and that I haven't grown out of my teenage angst, but that is the true opposite of the REAL me.  
  
Honestly, I am fun, daring, and smart. O and according to some people, I am beautiful, but I don't think so. I mean, I have self-esteem, but I am not overly egocentric with my beauty. When I look in the mirror, I just seem me: a confused girl trying to make it big. Lucas knew the real me and saw my true self. I couldn't put up any shit with him, because I knew he could read me better than a book. The only one person who ever saw me as something different in a GOOD way was Nathan, but I screwed that up.  
  
I don't like talking about it, but since you're here I might as well. See, in high school I tutored him and we started to like each other. He was there for me and I was there for him. When he asked me out, I got scared and ran away. Going out with him went against everything that I believed in. We were from different parts of the town and I knew no one would accept us. He saw that as an excuse and personally made the rest of my high school life a living, breathing image of hell. His whole crowd hated Lucas and me. Well they hated Lucas more, because he messed around with Peyton and Brooke (AKA the two whores of THH). We stuck together as outcasts to the "in crowd", but I was pretty much friends with the rest of the civilized population. So, weren't major outcasts, just people not accepted by the "in crowd".  
  
However, I am not in high school anymore. Nor am I an angry teen, so I made a vow with myself. I WAS GOING TO HAVE FUN AT ALL COSTS!!! With Cheyenne, I knew I was going to. That's why she is my best friend at Harvard.  
  
"Cmon, Haley, move your ass. We gotta get to my room, like NOW!" she yelled.  
  
"Hey, no yelling at your friend who you invited with you to a party with drunken idiots that are only going to be having vertical sex in front of the whole campus. If you yell at me one more time, then that lame persuasive speech you gave me earlier will start to wear off," I warned her.  
  
"Ok, ok... but you gotta try on my newest outfits. We are so gonna rock the party tonight."  
  
"Cheyenne, chill and take a breather. Besides, this isn't a wild Friday night party; this is a semi-wild Monday night party, so I doubt it's gonna be all that fun..."  
  
"O Haley, you silly little girl, we aren't partying here on campus. We are going to Lesley."  
  
"Wait, what, when, why?" my brain numbed itself with questions.  
  
"We are going to a Lesley party and I heard they cancelled classes today there, so the party is going to be beyond fun. It's going to be at 8. And we are going, because Haley, you gotta face it, you are becoming a bit of a prude. And I wanna de-prude you."  
  
I groaned.  
  
"Cheyenne, did I ever tell you about my high school life."  
  
"O yeah, I forgot about that."  
  
"Well I can't go. Peyton goes there and Brooke is going to be there and Nathan will be there too, and I can't face them. I mean I hate the mere sight of those ass holes and what they did to my life."  
  
"Haley how about you show them what you got instead. Steal their men. And as for Nathan, I believe you told me he had a thing for you. Make him want you. Anyways the chances you're going to see them are one in a billion, my friend. You have nothing to worry about."  
  
"O fine," I reluctantly agreed in the end when I remembered my paper. I could use all this drama shit and put it in my paper. The teachers just love seeing me suffer, don't they all do? I'll just give them drama and mix it in with that "passion" that Cheyenne was talking about.  
  
When we got to her room, she immediately went to her closet and disappeared into its depths. She returned with a chest and plopped it on the floor. She hastily opened it and threw a bunch of clothes at me. I stood there, struck with awe at my friend's wardrobe.  
  
"Haley recover yourself. Standing like that with your mouth that wide isn't going to attract any male attention. Well maybe the creeps with weird fantasies, but they are plain scary. O and also, that postion may also attract flies, so close your chopper."  
  
I closed my mouth, still dumbfounded by her clothes. I slowly regained my speech.  
  
"So Cheyenne, which is the outfit I will be whoring around in?" I asked innocently.  
  
"Well, I pictured you wearing red with jeans, so hold on to your horses, my friend."  
  
Aftre a while, she pulled out a red tube top with sequins and threw a pair of jeans at me.  
  
"Put them on," she ordered.  
  
After we were both dressed and caked with make-up, I turned to the mirror. I have to admit, that I don't look like me. Wow, I actually look like someone beautiful. But God knows, I was never going to admit that to Cheyenne. She saw me smiling, so I had to put in my trademarked sarcastic remark.  
  
"I see it makes you happy knowing you have created another protégé of your sluttiness."  
  
"O shut up Haley, I know you love it."  
  
"Yeah, I do Cheyenne. I don't usually say thanks, but well... thank you. I never thought I looked like this."  
  
"Well Missy, I'm just helping my pal along. Now be sure to mention your whole makeover in your paper and add something about how 'my truly remarkable friend helped me to reach into the depths of my soul and find myself'... well something along those lines."  
  
"Hahaha, you just keep rolling them in don't you."  
  
But I knew she was right. This makeover may just seem like a hair, make-up, and clothes girly galore, but it did something else for me. It gave me that confidence boost, which I knew I was going to need to find that muse. 


	3. How Life Is

Chapter 3: How Life Is  
  
Cheyenne and I popped into her vintage '65 mustang and drove to Lesley University. O man was I a nervous wreck. Cheyenne must of noticed this because right before we entered the wild party, she stopped the car in the parking lot and looked at me. After a moment of silence, she opened her mouth and began her speech.  
  
"Listen Haley, I know you, maybe not that well, but I do know at least a little bit. And that part of you is an audacious lil bitch, so pucker up and stop that sulk," she stated humorously. When she saw that I was not listening to her, she stopped her joking rampage.  
  
"Ok Haley, listen to me," she cupped my face in her hands and directed my face to her. She had a determined look in her eyes that I knew only so well. When I first met her in one of our classes, she was determined to be my friend, because I reminded her of home.  
  
"Look at the mirror," she demanded. I did as I was told. "Now tell me what you see," she asked.  
  
"I see me... nothing has exactly changed in the past 19 years," I replied sarcastically.  
  
"Ok... I can see you aren't buying into my pep speeches this time, so lemme try a new approach." Cheyenne sat there thinking, and then looked at me with a sad gleam in her eyes.  
  
"Remember when I first met you and you were lost. You couldn't find your first class, which we just so happened to be both in."  
  
I nodded my head.  
  
"Well I could tell you were nervous, because... because you remind me of my sister."  
  
I looked at her amazed. She had never mentioned her family to me before. Of course, I had always wondered about them, but I was never nosey.  
  
"Yeah, she was like my best friend. We were twins. We helped each other with everything.... I was good at math and science and she was good at English and history. So whenever we had tests, we would just swap. We were top in everything. Then there was the accident... I thought we were going to be here together, like sisters and marry twins, really, really hot twins. I know it was a childish dream, but we were best friends. She's in coma now. All because she couldn't face her fears. And the worst part is I let her to ignore them... to pretend that they weren't there.... We went mountain climbing once in the Rocky Mountains. I had leaped onto a ledge, but she said she couldn't. Her rope was going to break. She wanted me to leave her, but I refused. O God... she always had a fear of heights... When the rope snapped, I grabbed her only after she hit her head on a rock. She has been asleep since..."  
  
I stood there listening intently. Cheyenne was on the verge of tears and I was too. I had always thought that I had gone through so much more unbearable trauma that anyone else. It was at this precise moment that I knew I was so very wrong.  
  
"Haley, I know I should've told you this earlier, but this day reminded me of my prom so much. She was never good with dressing herself up..." She slowly smiled and I could see the memories flash through her eyes.  
  
"What I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't let your fears conquer your life. If you do, then what'll happen to your life? You won't be able to live it the way you always pictured."  
  
I looked at her and nodded my head. I hugged her as I saw her body tremble. She truly was a wonderful friend.  
  
"Cheyenne, no one, not even Lucas, has been there for me like you are. You are the most amazing person I know. You help me with my problems and you still have yours... Listen, Cheyenne, I don't want to see you like this. Is there anything I can do?" I asked overwhelmed with emotion.  
  
"No, it's all right, Haley."  
  
"Are you sure you're alright?"  
  
"Yeah, we'll talk about this tomorrow. I need to have fun and drown my miseries away."  
  
"And I'll help you drown them away, but no drugs. There is no way, I'm coming home with a druggie," I told her jokingly, trying to cheer my friend up.  
  
"Okay, but only if you insist... C'mon, my lil slutty creation, we have a party to rock."  
  
We opened the doors and looked up at the sky. I had never felt so alive before. It was like the stars weren't gaseous balls of hydrogen, but that they were lively glistening sparkles watching us. I looked at the gently swishing trees. Then at the silver moon shining its radiance down upon us.  
  
Everything seemed so peaceful, until I looked at the partying dorm. It was the opposite of the tranquility. It was chaos and turbulence. I felt like this was a metaphor for my life. Everything bad happened and covered up the goodness. That was just the way life will always be.  
  
We walked into the dorm, both looking at each other. I don't know about Cheyenne, but I was prepared for the worst. 


	4. Reconciled Friendships

Chapter 4: Reconciled Friendships from the Past  
  
The party was in full swing when we entered the dorm. The yellow lights were dimmed and the neon lights were set bright. The party seemed to be taking place in the whole dorm, and the dorm was pretty big. Cheyenne and I looked at each other and quickly agreed not to lose one another. I could see random people dancing (or as I like to call "vertically fucking"). The music was blaring into my eardrums. I looked at Cheyenne for some guidance out of this hell hole, but she seemed to be eyeing a fine piece of eye candy. They were staring at each other intently, so I nodded at her to join him.  
  
"Are you sure?" she asked me skeptically.  
  
I nodded my head again. I could tell that she really wanted to forget about her problems, so I let her screw this random guy, but not before I slipped her some protection. She sure as hell didn't need a pregnancy scare. She smiled at me gratefully and walked toward her blonde eye candy. I have to admit, he was hot.  
  
I walked off without a clue as to what I should do. Every now and then, some guy would come up to me and sexually harass me (either with verbal suggestions or some gesture), but I wasn't in the mood for that shit. I just wanted to think. So I bitched off at the perverts and walked out to the veranda.  
  
When I walked out on the porch, I noticed a curly, blonde girl leaning on the railings and looking down below us. I didn't want to disturb her, so I quietly walked to the other side and thought about how shitty life is and about Cheyenne's twin. After 5 minutes of complete silence, I got bored and looked over at her. She looked so damn familiar. I noticed the girl turned around to me realizing that I was looking at her. She then spoke.  
  
"Listen, I don't go that way... I'm a hetero-kind a gal."  
  
"Well I don't either, so I guess there's nothing to worry about, is there... Peyton?"  
  
"...Haley? O my God, it's you... what are you doing here?"  
  
"To be honest, I was dragged by my friend who wanted to pimp me out."  
  
She laughed lightly.  
  
"Seriously Haley, no one from Tree Hill has heard from you. Everyone was wondering if you were even alive."  
  
"Yeah well, I don't like to be the the center of attention or the life of the party to add to that (I looked at the on-going party with disgust)... Wait did you just say that people thought I was dead?" I looked at her startled.  
  
"Well you haven't come to any of the school get-togethers."  
  
"And why should I? I was treated like trash when I was there. I don't know about you, but I like to keep my dignity." I looked at her disdainfully. Peyton noticed my sudden change of attitude and looked guilty.  
  
"Haley, I'm sorry about the whole high school bitch act. You were there for me and well, I wasn't there for you. I mean, Brooke and I got over the whole Lucas thing, but our friends still hated him. We wanted to just avoid him and you were always with him... We never meant for that to hurt you."  
  
"I know, but he's my best friend... Look I'll forgive you, but I'm not a person to hand out letters of forgiveness everyday, so don't think this is gonna happen again."  
  
She smiled.  
  
"Still got that dry sense of humor? Thought you'd grow out of it, but not everything works like that."  
  
"I agree, I mean, look at you. You're still the same tortured artist. Listen girl, if you don't cheer up in the next year or so, remind me to get you some Prozac."  
  
"Hahaha, there you go again with that charming sense of humor. Now that I know you haven't changed that much, tell me about your life."  
  
"Well what's to tell? Its boring as hell. I haven't had a boyfriend for 5 months. My ex was a jackass."  
  
"C'mon, Haley. I know you, there has gotta be a story for you to tell."  
  
"Well, I guess I'm just trying to find myself right now. My English professor told me that if I found some inspiration, my writing would become worthy of the Western canon. Umm... that's about all the most interesting key points in Haley James' Life."  
  
"Wow, so your writing is going places? That's amazing; I wish my art could go places. I had to drop out of art, though. There's not much I can do with it. I'm studying psychology now."  
  
"Are you serious? Peyton Sawyer, slut extraordinaire of Tree Hill, is majoring in psychology. Have I entered a new dimension? No, hell must've frozen over. Hmm... Maybe the world is gonna end soon–"  
  
"Hahaha, but no. I actually like it."  
  
"So..."  
  
"So what?"  
  
"C'mon, I know you wanna tell me about your steaming hot love life."  
  
"Ughhh, I knew you were gonna ask about that. Well there's not much to tell. Nathan and I broke up before we went to college. Ever since then, it has been random one night stands for me."  
  
"But don't you guys live in the same town?"  
  
"Yeah, but we could never stand the mere presence of each other. He hates me; I think he hates me more than he hates you."  
  
"Well look at the bright side, you're learning how to get good tastes."  
  
"Haley, you know Nathan goes to Boston University, right?"  
  
"Crap, I forgot about that. You think he may be here tonight?"  
  
"Just giving you a heads up, but I doubt he'll be here tonight. He doesn't go to many parties on this side. To tell you the truth, I don't think he hates you that much."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"You may have been oblivious to it back in high school, but I know Nathan. The way he looked at you and spoke about you. I knew you turned him down, but I also knew that he really liked you and just hid it. He's really proud of his manliness and well... you just blew him off."  
  
"Yeah I know, but I was scared. Then he just does a total 180 and becomes a born-again jackass to me."  
  
"Like I said, he's proud."  
  
"You mean he's a cocky, egocentric bastard?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Where's Brooke?"  
  
"Screwing some guy."  
  
"Isn't it weird how our best friends have left us?"  
  
"So very amusing. C'mon lets go find them."  
  
Right before we go inside, she asks me a question.  
  
"So Haley, are we friends again?" she said uncertainly.  
  
"Yeah, all of your mistakes are forgiven and I am willing to reconcile our friendship."  
  
We smiled at each other and I slid open the glass door. Together, we hopped back into the partying scene. 


	5. Pent Up Anger

Chapter 5: Pent Up Anger  
  
As soon as Peyton and I entered the party, we went looking for Brooke. Peyton wanted Brooke to be a part of this reunion. To be honest, I wasn't happy to see Brooke. Peyton and I used to be friends, but Brooke was never my friend. We were just acquaintances. I never liked her, mainly because she was a hoe. There's no denying it. One look at her and that's the first word that pops up in your head.  
  
"She should be here somewhere. I saw her sitting with some man whore like 20 minutes ago."  
  
"Don't you think that a LOT can happen in 20 minutes? Like may be she's upstairs having a lil fun of her own."  
  
"Well Haley, then that would be her second guy tonight."  
  
"Brooke never changes, does she?"  
  
"Well she's a tid bit more mature, but that mature side only appears when you don't want it to."  
  
We spotted Brooke talking to one of the many guys who offered me to become the next notch on their bedpost. I eyed this guy with such distaste and was about to lash out at him for just co-existing in the same room with me when Peyton coughed to get my attention. I looked at her and Brooke.  
  
"Well, well, well, look what we have here. If it isn't Tree Hill's own lil perfect doll, Haley James, live in action," Brooke taunted nastily, but was cut off by Peyton.  
  
"Brooke, lay off. You're over Lucas and so am I. I apologized to Haley and I think you should do the same." Peyton looked at Brooke expectantly. I looked up at Brooke, who was glaring at Peyton. I felt the raw anger start to rise up in my throat.  
  
"Peyton fuck off, okay? I'm kinda busy right now with Mr. Tall Dark And Handsome," she said as she seductively glided her hands over his chest.  
  
I cut in, because after all the shit she pulled, I still had some pent up anger that needed to be let loose.  
  
"After all this time, you're still the same fucked up bitch you were in high school. You haven't changed a bit. You screw any guy you deem fuck- worthy, when you know that no one will stay with you for more than one night. I thought it was impossible, but you just managed to look more pathetic."  
  
She stared at me, shaking with fury as her face turned steaming red. I immediately took this opportunity to make another verbal stab.  
  
"O and as for being a perfect doll, I'm gonna take that as a compliment. The way I see it is that I am not a screwed up dumbass who whores herself around. I got where I am from hard work, something that must be foreign to you. Think of it like this: when I become something famous, you'll be working the streets as a 5-cent whore working overtime. When I'm rolling in money, you'll be rolling in dirt thrown at you. Don't ever look me in the face and ridicule my life. I worked hard for it."  
  
I started to walk away, but I had to add just one more thing. "O and about Mr. Tall Dark And Handsome, I guess he picked you as the second-rate rebound. Just a lil advice, don't go for the desperate ones, because you're just proving how everything I just said is absolutely right."  
  
I stormed off, relieved that I had gotten all that junk off of my chest. Wow, did that feel wonderful. I walked out of the dorm, but was stopped by Peyton.  
  
"Haley, I am so sorry for what she said."  
  
"It's ok. I'm used to her bitchiness."  
  
Just then, Cheyenne was running towards me. Her face was one filled with pride, newfound respect, and happiness.  
  
"O my God Haley, did you just yell at THE Brooke Davis, the girl that you have spent many a night planning her brutal death?"  
  
I nodded my head, slightly entertained with her cheerfulness.  
  
"Haley I heard the whole damn thing. It was spectacular. I'm giving you 5 stars for that wonderful performance and must ask that you come back in and yell at her some more."  
  
I laughed at my friend. She sure knew how to lighten up any situation. Cheyenne started to laugh with such hilarity that I ended up laughing, too. After she stopped her hysterical act, she suddenly noticed a dumbfounded Peyton just staring at us bewildered.  
  
"O who are you?" asked an enthusiastic Cheyenne.  
  
"I'm Peyton."  
  
"O my God, did you yell at her too?" Cheyenne asked me.  
  
"O no, she's cool. Peyton this is Cheyenne. Excuse her outrageous behavior, she may be a little drunk," I introduced.  
  
"I object to that!" exclaimed Cheyenne as she tumbled onto Peyton, who caught her.  
  
"Ok Cheyenne, whatever you say. C'mon Peyton, do you wanna come with me to drop off my drunk-off-her-ass friend?" I asked Peyton, laughing at Cheyenne giving a couple of guys a seductive smile.  
  
"Sure, wouldn't wanna miss it," laughed Peyton.  
  
Peyton and I led Cheyenne towards the old vintage mustang. We plopped Cheyenne in the backseat, where she dozed off happily. I started the car and drove back to Harvard. Peyton crashed with us. We stayed up late watching old reruns of Three's Company and talking about school, guys, and other problems. 


	6. Beauty of Blue

Chapter 6: The Beauty of Blue-ness  
  
The nest morning, Haley woke up to the buzzing sound of her alarm clock. She knocked it off the nightstand and groaned. She had to get to class. She couldn't afford another case of tardiness. She grabbed a towel and some toiletries and headed for the door. On the door was a yellow sticky note:  
  
Hey Haley, I left really early in the morning, because I got a morning class. I set up your alarm clock for you. ( O you better say thank you for making sure you're not late! You can make it up to me by bringing your ass (and Cheyenne's if she's available) to the Hot Fox's. I know you are rolling your eyes at me, but just picture my sulky face and take pity. Well, I'm picking you guys up at 8, so be ready! This club is really hip, so dress appropriately (in other words, dress like a hoe---won't be a problem for you, will it?). Luv ya, Peyton  
  
I laughed as I read her note. I did indeed roll my eyes about 3 times. Slowly I made my way into the coed bathroom and took a long sweltering hot shower. My thoughts drifted to last night's events and back to the paper. Arggg, stupid paper! Why is it so hard to write about my "muse"? Do I even need one anyways? Gosh darnit, I am a perfectly capable writer! Thinking that they can just control my life... the nerve of those professors.  
  
I continued my mumbling speech and dried myself down. I went back into my room to find Cheyenne, not so happy anymore.  
  
"Haaaaaallllllleeeeeeeyyyyy... My head fucking hurts. Do you have Tylenol?"  
  
I threw her a bottle of Tylenol. It hit her head with a thud.  
  
"Owwww... why'd you do that?"  
  
"O Cheyenne... I should remember that whenever you have a hangover, you lose all eye-hand coordination. Come to think of it, you lose all control of your bodily functions."  
  
"Just laugh all you want at your best friend's pain. Yeah laugh it up."  
  
"O I am having a stupendous riot of laughter here."  
  
"O shut up Haley; you're giving me a headache."  
  
"Alright Ms. Wyoming, I'll shut my trap."  
  
"Don't call me that... (she looked at her watch) O crap, I have microbio in like 20 minutes." Grabbing a towel, she rushed out of the room.  
  
I picked up my bag and left the room. I barely made English class on time. When it was done, the professor came up to me and decided to put me on the spotlight about my paper.  
  
"Ms. James? May I speak with you?"  
  
"Uhhh... sure Professor Levot."  
  
"How is your paper coming along?"  
  
"Truthfully, I can't even find an inspiration. I thought of everything I could and I searched for everything I could find. There is nothing that really inspires me to write."  
  
"Nonsense, Ms. James. Everyone has their own personal muse. Have you looked into the people that surround your life? What about your past? A romantic interest? A treasured place? All of these things affect an artist's emotions and skills. Professor Gabetti and I only want you to find these things. Think of this as your project for this year. Look wherever you can Ms. James."  
  
"Um... Professor Levot, did you ever find your muse?"  
  
"Why, yes I did, it is my husband. We go back a long way. I looked to my past and found it. Think about it. You may go now."  
  
I left politely and wandered out of the building thinking about this "muse". Ok, I am gradually overcoming my initial pissed-off-ness. Maybe this project will do me some good. I walked off into the park outside the campus. I definitely needed some alone time.  
  
As I walked, I looked up at the lofty trees, the gleaming sun, the pearly white clouds, and the startling blue sky. There was something about the color blue which really struck my soul. I felt peaceful and calm. All the other beauties of the world could never compare to the blue sky. It reminded me of something, but I couldn't quite pinpoint what.  
  
After awhile, I sat on an old oak bench. I took in all the colors, emotions, and life that were swirling around me. My trance was broken by a man walking down the pathway. As he approached, I saw his figure appear closer. The person was coming closer and closer.  
  
Suddenly I noticed the man's pair of familiar blue eyes lock onto my own. The man's hair was dark and I knew who exactly who it was. My veins became cold, my nerves became numb, and my heart froze. He looked at me and I looked at him. My mind was sending me signals to leave, but I couldn't move. His stare wasn't helping my case, either. I couldn't read what he was trying to tell me through eye contact.  
  
I looked away and pretended to not notice him. For some reason, I wanted to stare into his blue eyes for eternity, but I pulled away. I don't know why, but I did. He passed me slowly and it felt like Father Time had stopped the clock just for this moment in history. As soon as I saw him disappear over the hill, I rushed to the opposite direction towards my dorm.  
  
My heart was pumping with exhilaration for some odd reason. I sprinted to my room and collapsed onto my bed. I pulled out a notebook from under my bed and started to write my feelings onto the paper. 


	7. The Nameless Adorable And Smart And Funn...

Chapter 7: The Nameless Adorable And Smart And Funny Guy  
  
My pen was scuttling across the paper, words flowing from the black tip. I was placing all kinds of thoughts onto a piece of paper, and I didn't even know why. What was happening? Why the sudden need to compose my thoughts? I had never done this before. I never even had one of those diaries. For me, that type of journal writing was unappealing. I thought that writing my feelings down was useless and it was the type of thing that only deranged girly-girls would do.  
  
Yet here I was, writing away all my worries. It felt like I was writing for only a few minutes. I looked at my clock and was appalled to find that two hours had just passed. Where the hell did time go?  
  
My thoughts were pulled to a complete stop when Cheyenne crashed into the room. She looked disheveled, but happy with delight.  
  
"Haley, o my God, you wouldn't believe what just happened? This guy just asked me out. I ran into him at the coffee shop and we started to talk and then one thing led to the next. O my God was he so adorable and smart and funny." She was leaning against the door and her eyes were glazed with wondering excitement.  
  
"Did you by any chance catch his name? Or shall we call him the Nameless Adorable And Smart And Funny Guy?" I asked her with mock happiness.  
  
"O crap... We were so caught up in the moment. I completely forgot to ask him his name. O well, I guess I'll find out tonight."  
  
"Wait, tonight? Awwww... Peyton and I were gonna take you to a club with us."  
  
"Ooo, which club?"  
  
"Someplace called (I picked up Peyton's note and read it)... Hot Fox's."  
  
"O wow, that's like the best club ever. I've been there a grand total of like 2 times. They are really picky. Only let in the best and brightest, well more like hottest."  
  
"So you are going with the mystery dude?"  
  
"Hell yeah, I'm not passing up a guy this great. He's just so amazing. He told me that he was coming here only for a surprise visit, but I don't care. I got all those butterflies in my stomach and the sparks were flying everywhere. You know, I always thought the whole sparks-flying-and- butterflies-in-your-stomach love was just mumbo jumbo, but I guess it's not."  
  
"O wow, did the Nameless Adorable And Smart And Funny Guy just transform my friend's whole belief system of anti-love?"  
  
"I guess so." Cheyenne's face was gushing with pure bliss and I smiled. She did deserve happiness and I was so glad that she found it.  
  
"So let's make a deal. Tonight, you help me look like a hoe and I'll help you not look like a hoe."  
  
"Deal. This guy isn't like all the others. I don't want to just hook up for one night."  
  
"Wow, this guy is also changing my friend's outlook on sluttiness. O I have got to meet this miracle worker!"  
  
"Hahaha. But don't worry, you're gonna meet him soon. I'm definitely going to bring him back to the dorm."  
  
"Ewww Cheyenne, I don't wanna actually be here to watch the special prime time showing of your love life."  
  
"O Haley, get your head out of the gutter. He said that he has to meet someone here."  
  
"Ok, just as long as it is kept to PG-13."  
  
"Has anyone ever told you that you are the biggest dork in this vast universe of ours?"  
  
"O all the time and it never gets old."  
  
"Whatever Haley, we should probably go get lunch. Its 2 o'clock already."  
  
"Is it me or has time started to go much faster all of the sudden?"  
  
"It's only you. C'mon, I'm starving here." She clutched my arm and grabbed our handbags. Then she pinched me.  
  
"Hey what was that for?" I said as I snatched my arm from her claws. I massaged my arm.  
  
"For throwing Tylenol at my head this morning," she said laughing as she ran away, heading towards the dining hall. I followed her, laughing at her silliness. 


	8. A Surprise Visitor

Chapter 8: A Surprise Visitor  
  
After lunch, Cheyenne and I walked back to our room and started to do our homework. Hey what'd you expect from us? We aren't complete party animals. College is the reason why I am here in Cambridge, MA, anyways.  
  
After about 4 hours of non-stop homework, I was completely done for the day. I could now relax. I turned my head to see Cheyenne sleeping on her back with an open Chemistry book on top of her head. I laughed lightly and nudged her awake. She jolted up in an instant.  
  
"Oh nooo... did I just sleep for 4 hours?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"I was supposed to read chapter 27 for tonight. Do you think they have a cliff notes version in the library by any chance?"  
  
"I wouldn't put my money on it." Just then my cell phone rang. I lazily picked it up and answered.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hey Haley. You sound tired."  
  
"Well I am."  
  
"I called you up, because it's 7 o'clock right now. Is Cheyenne coming?"  
  
"No, she has a hot date tonight. He's coming over at 8, so I'm gonna meet him. She won't shut up about him," I said as I smiled at a worried Cheyenne, who was sitting there reading the book with absolute concentration. Her face was scrunched up with determination.  
  
"Alright, I'll meet ya in front of your dorm. Bye Haley."  
  
"See ya."  
  
I put the phone away and went over to Cheyenne. I just laughed at her figure. Last night, she was in party-girl mode. Now she was in study-till- you-drop mode.  
  
"Miss Wyoming, I believe you have a hot date tonight."  
  
"Arggg, I guess I'll do this later." She closed the book and walked towards her closet. She pulled out the chest and then looked up at me.  
  
"Haley, can I borrow one of your shirts? It's a lil cold outside." I nodded my head and walked to my own closet.  
  
"What pants or skirt will you be wearing?" I asked her while browsing through my own set of clothes.  
  
"Umm... the black skirt."  
  
I pulled out a light pink cashmere sweater. I had bought this a long time ago when I was still in high school.  
  
"Heads up!" I yelled as I threw it at her  
  
"Too late. It kinda already hit my head," she said tiredly.  
  
"O well, I tried."  
  
The next thing I knew, I was hit in the head with a mini jean skirt and a velvet maroon tube top decorated with white lace.  
  
"Heads up," yelled Cheyenne with a stupid grin on her face.  
  
"Hahaha, Ms. Wyoming."  
  
"Hey! I told you not to call me that!"  
  
"And do I ever listen? Nope. Now do my make up."  
  
After she had finished doing my make up and I had finished doing her make up, we grabbed some accessories to make the finishing touches. We looked at the mirror. It was like we had just swapped. Here I was standing in a pair of high heel leather boots and she was wearing a brown sandals. Nevertheless, we both looked stunning. Simultaneously we looked at the clock. It was 7:55. We both grabbed our handbags and stole one more glance in the mirror. We walked out to the front of the dorm and sat on a nearby bench.  
  
After a couple of minutes, Peyton arrived and we started to chat. Peyton and I were about to leave for Hot Fox's when Cheyenne stopped us. She pointed to the figure of a man and said "that's him, guys."  
  
As he came closer, I took in all his features. He was blonde and had a boyish gentleman thing about him that only one guy I knew had and that guy was supposed to be at NYU. I squealed in delight as I ran to him. It was definitely who I thought it was.  
  
"O my God, what are you doing here Lucas?" I hugged him with one of my famous bear hugs. He smiled at me, obviously surprised that I was friends with his date, Cheyenne.  
  
"Well I planned to surprise my best bud, but I see that she surprised me instead."  
  
Cheyenne stood amazed at what just happened. She slowly started to talk.  
  
"So your name is Lucas. Well my name is Cheyenne."  
  
"Well this is for you Cheyenne," he said as he gave her a single red rose. Suddenly he noticed Peyton, who was standing there dumbfounded. I broke in the obvious tension that was between the two as I pulled Peyton towards her car.  
  
"Peyton and I are going to a club. We'll be back at like 2 in the morning. Don't wait up kids. O and don't do anything I wouldn't do."  
  
Lucas looked at me confused, but just shrugged it off and said "Take your own advice James. You better be careful otherwise I'll tell your mommy on you." Well, he certainly hasn't changed from his childishness, but I wouldn't have it any other way.  
  
"Whatever you say, bad boy, whatever you say," I laughed as I hopped into the car. I smiled, knowing that both of my best friends were happy and that they were happy together. Peyton started the car with discomfort at seeing Lucas. I patted her back.  
  
"He'll forgive you."  
  
"Are you sure?" she mumbled.  
  
"Positive."  
  
She smiled and turned on some music. We sang along to the blasting lyrics of her punk rock music. She still liked the same music.  
  
O boy, some people never changed. 


	9. Listen, Forgive, and Forget

Chapter 9: Listen, Forgive, and Forget  
  
Peyton drove the way just how I remembered. Like a crazy drunkard on crack. When we arrived at the club, I silently prayed. How we got there alive, I don't exactly know.  
  
Hot Fox's was a club that had a waiting line that went all the way down 2 blocks and around the corner. Everyone wanted to get in, but few succeeded in doing so.  
  
I stood there amazed at the extravagance of a nightclub. Its neon lights were brightly glimmering and the music was blaring. The club looked like it was newly built with all sorts of new gadgets and gizmos. The building was silver with a red carpet that spread on the pavement.  
  
Peyton grabbed my arm and pulled me forward, breaking my trance. Somehow, we ended up right in front of the bouncer. The bouncer was a buff man with a really bad tan. His face was red and he looked like one of those guys pumped on steroids.  
  
He was eyeing me suggestively. Peyton, who noticed his interest in me, elbowed me hard in the ribs and looked at me expectantly. I reluctantly flirted and sent him a seductive smile. I even eyed him with fake interest. In my head, I was swearing left and right. There is no way in hell I would ever talk to him, let alone get with him. He let us in. Peyton smiled at me. I looked back at the bouncer, who was still staring at me. I lowered my voice.  
  
"Why did you make me flirt with that repulsive moron?"  
  
"Haley, he's our only chance in getting in."  
  
I growled at her. That guy was still checking me out. I knew what he was thinking and I felt violated.  
  
"Peyton, you're a great person and all, but if you ever make me do that again, I will never talk to you again."  
  
She laughed and pulled me towards the bar. We ordered a couple of fruity drinks. Before I drank it, I sniffed my liquor. It smelled sweet, like melted candy. I drank the whole think in one gulp and savored the stinging sweetness. The burning sensation left my mouth tingling. I ordered another drink, then promised myself that would be my last one. Well, let me tell you how that was definitely not me last drink. To be truthful, I lost count.  
  
Peyton had left me to dance with some brown-eyed guy. I slowly pulled myself out of my seat and walked over to the dance floor. I started to dance and felt a guy's hand edge his way along my stomach. I let him, mainly because I was drunk and it felt good. I turned around to face this guy and recognized who it was. Even in my drunkard state, I remembered him. How could I forget THH's adorable young father. I giggled at the mere sight of him. He had obviously not recognized me in these slutty clothes. I leaned down near his ear and whispered huskily "hey Jake."  
  
He looked at me confused. Slowly realization hit him and I saw his face break into a smile.  
  
"Well, well, well... What have we here, Ms. James?"  
  
"Thought you'd never know it was me."  
  
"Well who would when you are wearing something like that?" He pointed to my clothes and I laughed. We continued to dance, but only with a certain amount of distance between us. We weren't up and all over each other. I could never like Jake like that. He was the guy with all the answers for all of our problems, the guy who would drop everything for you. He was loyal, caring, and adorable. I just never had that special feeling with him.  
  
Once we were tired of dancing, I pulled him off the dance floor and towards a table. I wanted to talk about some people, places, and things.  
  
"So how have you been, Mr. J?" I sheepishly asked. I used to always call him Mr. J. It was my nickname for him since 10th grade. He laughed at me and answered.  
  
"Well, I am good. Not much to complain about."  
  
"How's Jenny?"  
  
"Well she's growing up fast. She's 4 years old right now. Do you wanna see his picture?" he asked keenly. I nodded for curiosity's sake. He pulled out his wallet from his pant's pocket and flipped it open. A long list of pictures unraveled. I smiled softly as he showed me her picture. She was adorable. Jenny had tufts of brown and blonde hair with sparkling green eyes.  
  
I laughed softly as he put his wallet away. He looked at me puzzled.  
  
"What?" he asked raising his eyebrows.  
  
"O look at yourself Jake. You have all of her pictures in your wallet. You're such a dad, but you're a really good one. I'm proud of you Mr. J," I answered with a gentle smile. He was surprised, yet grateful.  
  
"Well I try James," he said modestly. He was always modest about his parenting skills. That just made me more proud of him. My own parents were inexperienced and they were older than him by 30 years.  
  
We continued out talk, but were interrupted by a panting Peyton. Her face was red with exhilaration. Jake looked at me with that eyebrow raised glance. I just laughed it off and greeted Peyton.  
  
"Hey girl, I saw those moves and you have to show me some," I started. She grinned and took a seat. It was then did she notice Jake.  
  
"O hey Jake, what are you doing here?" she asked surprised at his appearance in the club.  
  
"Well Peyton, I'm having a good time. I do remember you telling me countless times to have fun when we were in high school," he replied.  
  
"So you finally listened to my great and magnificent advice. Good for you, Jake," she smiled. Her face was flushed with happiness. I never saw Peyton act like this and took it as a hint that she had a lil crush on Mr. J. Who would ever think Peyton and Jake? Definitely not me.  
  
We started to talk about things, but were once again interrupted by a person who was tapping my shoulder. I turned around, annoyed, only to face Brooke. She looked at me timidly and spoke one single word.  
  
"Truce."  
  
I looked at her, not quite understanding what she said. She then repeated what she had said.  
  
"Haley, I'm calling a truce. I don't know... maybe we could be friends instead of enemies. After all, we are out of high school," she said while looking at her feet. I had never saw Brooke so shy before. Usually, she was bold and daring, but right now she had a humble look. She then held out her hand to shake mine. I looked at it hesitantly, then shook her hand and smiled at her.  
  
I didn't want to be her friend, but I couldn't ignore something my father had told me right before I left for college. He said that I should always listen, forgive, and forget. If I never did those things, I would get nowhere in college or in the world.  
  
Something in me was also whispering in my head that this was the beginning of a new and important friendship. 


	10. Past Loves

Chapter 10: Past Loves  
  
Brooke sat down next to Jake and the four of us once again indulged ourselves in alcohol. We talked about the past, the present, and the aspiring future. I was actually surprised to learn that Brooke was majoring in secondary education. Jake was juggling between business school and Jenny. He went to Suffolk University and was well off.  
  
After awhile, Peyton and Jake branched off of the conversation and were talking to each other privately. I smiled and took this as an opportunity to let them bond. I looked over at Brooke, who had also realized the sudden spark in Peyton and Jake's relationship. We looked at each other and wordlessly decided that it was our cue to leave.  
  
"Hey Brooke, my drink is getting a lil empty. Wanna come with me to fill it up?" I asked her innocently. Smiling, she nodded and we walked over to the bar.  
  
"Hey, can we have two Malibu Sea Breezes," Brooke ordered. Once the bartender provided us with the drinks, we turned around and faced each other. I was first to speak.  
  
"Well this is odd."  
  
"You can say that again," she agreed. Suddenly she looked behind us and shuddered. "Ewww... there is this complete creep checking you out," she squealed.  
  
"O my God, is it the bouncer?"  
  
"No, it's a guy with a Mohawk... why would it be the bouncer?"  
  
"When Peyton and I were getting in, she physically forced me into flirting with that ugly red toad."  
  
"Toad?" she asked smiling at my descriptive choice of words.  
  
"O yes. Man, was he a toad!"  
  
"Well Haley, how about you have a lil fun with your toad?"  
  
"Dude, Brooke, I wouldn't go near that guy even if you guaranteed me a million dollars."  
  
"Haley, Haley, Haley... you are so naïve. See if you flirt with the toad, then he'll let you in whenever you want."  
  
"Well how about you do it?" I dared her, not really thinking she would actually go up to that hideously red beast.  
  
"O you just watch and learn how the master works her prey," she said evilly while walking away. She went up to the bouncer and started to talk to him. I saw her laugh and place her hands along his buffed up chest. I laughed at how Brooke would do anything.  
  
I turned my attention to the dance floor, but I felt a lil tired. Slowly my eyes scanned the room, until they finally locked onto a familiar pair of blue eyes. They captured my eyes and took the breath from my chest. My heart began pounding as a rush of adrenaline was let loose into my blood stream. A lump got caught in my throat as the man started to walk towards me.  
  
I knew who he was. I had spent years hating him for all the terrible things he had done in my junior and senior years in high school. I felt the anger burn in my throat. My eyes reflected the fire of my fury. My skin tingled with his mere presence.  
  
He always had this power over me. The power to control my emotions and make them go to the extremes. He could make me happy beyond my normal limit with a smile, angry beyond my normal limit with a simple remark, and sad beyond my normal limit with a frown. He made me feel so loved and hated at the same time. This scared me. I had never met anyone that made me so emotional before. Usually, I was sarcastic and calm, but he broke that barrier. He tore the wall down. He broke into my heart and made me feel pain, love, and hatred.  
  
I couldn't take his intensity in high school, and I still don't think I can. When I told him that I couldn't be with him, he lashed out at me. He stole my heart. He ripped it to shreds, stomped on it, and then pulverized it in the garbage disposal. He made me feel and suffer his wrath.  
  
He never understood my reasons for not being with him. He thought I was making frivolous excuses. He thought I didn't feel the sparks, the butterflies, and the electricity, but I did.  
  
I told him our relationship would never work in a world filled with discrimination and social separation. He was from the richest family in town and I was from a common blue collar home. We lived in different parts of the town that were worlds apart from each other. We were even part of totally different cliques at school.  
  
The only reason that we ever crossed paths was because he needed academic help. It started as just tutoring, but then it became something so much more. Something I had to deny for his and my own welfare.  
  
He slowly approached me and once again it felt like time had stopped. His eyes were taking in everything about me. I saw them linger on my body and his eyes start to lust. Did he even know who I was? Did he remember? The terror of him not remembering started to haunt me. I never forgot each moment I spent with him. The good and the bad were locked in my memory. What if he forgot them? What if he forgot me?  
  
My thoughts were brought to a halt when he finally reached me and stood there. I couldn't speak. My throat had tightened with nervousness.  
  
His stare intensified deeply as I saw the realization dawn on his face. Relief swept through my body like a wave of ocean water over a golden sandcastle. He did remember me... but I'm beginning to see that maybe that's not so good.  
  
I couldn't even begin to start breathing, let alone initiate this awkward conversation. Fortunately, he started it.  
  
"Never thought I'd see you here," he said rather callously. My inability to talk had finally relented.  
  
"Never wanted to see you here," I bit back.  
  
"Honestly though, why are you here? Shouldn't you be studying with the rest of your people?" he rudely commented. I knew he only wanted to fire me up. That's how it always started. But this time it was going to be different. I wasn't going to let myself get burned this time. It was his turn to feel pain.  
  
"Well I, unlike you, don't need to study. I am passing my classes with flying colors. But shouldn't you be seeing your tutor?" I asked without an air of kindness. His eyes were immediately engulfed with the flames of anger. Seeing him angry always scared me, but not this time. He stepped closer to me.  
  
"Well, tutors never help me. They are only good to fuck. But once I'm done with them, they're useless as trash." O he knew how to push my buttons, but he wasn't going to win.  
  
"O I see... you must only be seeing male tutors," I remarked, taking in his reaction with cruel satisfaction. He was shaking with fury. He took another step towards me and I could feel his warm breath. I could smell his invigorating cologne and it was driving me crazy. His anger was radiating off of him and it only encouraged me more.  
  
That was until he had grabbed my wrists roughly. It wasn't violent, but I could tell that he was on the borderline of that. His touch had shocked me though. Little tremors of sparks shot through my arms. I could sense that he felt it, too. He let go of my hands and stepped back, horrified. He had felt it, the rush of sparks. We looked at each other for a moment. His hand slowly reached up and massaged my cheek. My body had numbed with the pure bliss of the moment. I couldn't make myself move. Suddenly, the past memories dashed through my head.  
  
FLASHBACK I was sitting on my bed and silently crying. I had just found out that my grandma had been in a car crash. My parents weren't home and I felt lonely and lost. Lucas was in Georgia visiting Karen's sister so I couldn't call him. Nathan had called my house to set up the study date, but I didn't answer the phone. He had driven to my house to make sure I was safe and saw me crying.  
  
"Haley..." He placed his strong arms around my crumbling self. That night, I cried on his shoulder and blubbered on about my grandma. He was there and had listened intently, offering all the comfort he could. END OF FLASHBACK  
  
NEXT FLASHBACK We were sitting in his room and he was sprawled on his bed. I was leaning against the bed and sitting on the floor. He looked down at me and touched my back. I looked up at him and felt so captivated. He brushed a stray piece of my hair and lowered his head down. Slowly his lips came to mine and kissed me. I deepened the kiss and placed my hands along his neck.  
  
I pulled back and stared at him. He looked back at me, completely bewildered. I stuffed my things into my backpack and left his house hastily. I couldn't do this with him. It was wrong. But why did it feel so right? END OF FLASHBACK  
  
NEXT FLASHBACK I had just finished explaining to him why we couldn't be together. His eyes were void of emotion. That is, until he menacingly told me to leave. His body was rigid, his eyes were cold, and his voice was violent. He yelled at me to get out. I left scared of what he was going to do. I had never seen him so angry. With tears spilling down my cheeks, I ran out of his house, never to enter it again. END OF FLASHBACK  
  
BACK TO THE PRESENT SITUATION Our eyes were still locked and his hand was still grazing my cheek. I stepped back, terrified from the memories. He was so intense and deep. I didn't know if I could handle him. I didn't know if I was ready for him.  
  
I stepped farther and farther away. He stayed there, staring at me and looking into my soul. I turned my back to him and sprinted away.  
  
I found Peyton and Brooke on the dance floor and wordlessly pleaded with them to take me home by just looking at them. Seeing the obvious pain in my eyes, they said goodbye to Jake and took me to the car.  
  
The ride to my dorm was silent. When Peyton had pulled up to front of the building, she laid her hand on my shoulder.  
  
"Haley, you can tell me what happened. Whenever you're ready, we'll be there..."I looked at her and Brooke. They were both worried. I just looked outside, up to the star-dotted sky. I breathed heavily.  
  
"I saw Nathan..." was all I could say. The silence was ringing through my ears, as both Brooke and Peyton were speechless. I closed my eyes as the flashbacks of the night flooded my mind. Brooke broke my thoughts.  
  
"Haley... that's pretty big. Do you want to talk about it?" she timidly asked.  
  
"Later, I should probably go..." I looked at them again and opened the car door. I stepped out of the car and walked towards the dorm. I didn't feel like talking with anyone, so I sat on the wooden bench.  
  
Gently, the clouds let drops of rain fall. The droplets lightly dripped onto my face and drenched my hair. Each bead of water soaked my clothes, but I didn't care. It felt like the sky was crying from pain and exhaustion. It was exactly how I felt. 


	11. Maybe the World's Not Bad

Chapter 11: Maybe the World's Not That Bad  
  
When the rain had stopped, I got up and slowly ambled towards my room. My hand trembled with pain as I opened the door to my room. There sitting on her bed was Cheyenne. She was looking out the window and staring at the sky. The clouds had disappeared fast, revealing a myriad of dazzling stars.  
  
Sometimes, I would catch Cheyenne counting the stars and would leave quietly to let her continue, but tonight I am too tired to think straight. I slumped into the room and collapsed onto my bed. Cheyenne was dreamily looking at the sky. I looked at her and felt a pang of jealousy. Why can't I be happy, too? Why is her guy not confusing? Why does life have to suck?  
  
"Do you think Lucas has a twin brother?" she absentmindedly asked while gazing outside. After I made no attempt to reply, she turned around to face me. Her eyebrows rose up in shock. I was soaking wet and my eyes were red from crying.  
  
"O my God, Haley... what happened?" she asked shocked at my appearance. I just looked at her emotionless. But then I cracked. Tears started to fall freely. My body shivered from the coldness.  
  
"I ran into him..."  
  
"Nathan?"  
  
It hurt just hearing his name. A searing pain in my throat intensified, making me mute. I just slowly nodded my head and stared at the floor.  
  
"What happened?" she asked firmly. Cheyenne could tell when I was on the verge of an emotional breakdown. That's what I loved, yet hated about her. She always made me tell her what was wrong. I could never hide from her questions. She would pry deep, but she would also help resolve them, too. Right now, I hated that quality about her more than anything. After a moment of silence, I mustered up the energy to talk.  
  
"I saw him in the club and we started to argue... then he came near me and we were so close... o Cheyenne, it's so complicated... I had this rush and it felt so nice... like everything just clicked... but it scared me, too..." I told her quietly, the words barely escaping my mouth. She listened carefully to each word that was uttered. Each painful word.  
  
"Why were you scared?" she asked. It must seem like the most obvious question, because even I was asking myself that, too. It took me awhile to tell her.  
  
"When Nathan and I were in high school, he was so... intense... he always made me feel some kind of emotion... that scared me, because I never was a touchy- feely person. It's like he changed me..."  
  
"Then what happened?" she asked cautiously.  
  
"He was touching me cheek, and I felt so happy... all those sparks were flying... my stomach was filled with nervous butterflies... I just don't think I can handle him... with him, it was always drama... I just want peace, not pain... so I ran away."  
  
Cheyenne looked at me and turned her head back to the window. The silence consumed us as we only heard the gentle swishing of the trees against the blowing wind. She then spoke with an eerie voice.  
  
"Haley, do you ever think that the world is just messed up?"  
  
"Yeah," I said softly.  
  
"That we are destined to live in this world... a place filled with pain, drama, suffering... a place where we can't escape?" she slowly asked.  
  
"I don't know if we are destined to this," I answered back honestly.  
  
"When Chloe was sent to the hospital, I lost all hope... but then I realized that there's no point in moping around... Look, I know we live in a world with all that crap... but there are things that make it better for us... love, happiness, and joy... Haley, you have to let people into your life... they help bring those things... without them, you'd be empty."  
  
I starred at her while she was gazing out the window. This was the second time she had talked about her twin sister. I didn't want to force Cheyenne to talk. Hell, I knew from my own experiences that it's hard to deal with the loss of a loved one.  
  
Her advice swirled in my mind. The words kept on echoing and repeating... My own thoughts mingled with her words.  
  
Maybe there is something good in this world... Maybe I don't even have to look hard to find it... Maybe it's right in front of my eyes... Maybe, I should face my fears... Maybe I should face Nathan and tell him my feelings...  
  
Arggg... too many "maybe's". I have to go to bed. It's like 3 AM! O shoot, I have a morning class tomorrow. This is NOT good. Why does drama have to plague my life?  
  
I slipped out of my drenched clothes and draped myself in soft fleece wear. I fell onto my bed and rolled the blanket on top of me. Too many thoughts were crawling in my mind. I took out the notebook from under my bed and started to write the flowing words. 


	12. Still Stuck With Problems

Chapter 12: Still Stuck With the Problem  
  
Wednesday morning went as I expected it to. I was late for class, warned by the professor, and given a shit load of homework. To make matters worse, I have drama problems (mainly with Nathan) and I didn't even get my daily caffeine boost! Ok, enough of my complaining. I have to find a way to relax. Hmm... maybe Brooke knows how...  
  
I rummage through my handbag and grabbed my cell phone and called Brooke and Peyton's place. Brooke answered.  
  
"Hello..." she groggily answered the phone.  
  
"Brooke, it's like 11 o'clock. Shouldn't you be up by now?"  
  
"Aww... fuck off Haley, I'm tired... I'll call you later."  
  
"No! Brooke I need your help!"  
  
"With what?"  
  
"To relax... Do you know any places where I can just... well forget about everything?"  
  
There was silence on the other line. Then a loud squeal. I guess she's awake now.  
  
"O my God Haley! We are so going to a spa!" Then I heard her yell at Peyton to get up.  
  
"Hold on, Miss Quirky & Perky, what spa? Where is it? How much?" I asked her.  
  
"O Haley, you worry way too much. I'll just put it on my daddy's credit. This is going to be sooooo fun. Meet us at our place in like 10 minutes. Bring a hot swimsuit," she blabbered.  
  
"Wait, where do you live?" I asked still shocked by her sudden perkiness. She gave me the address and I swiftly wrote it down. After we hanged up, I dialed Cheyenne. I forgot about her date with Lucas last night and the curiosity was burrowing deep into my mind. I had to know.  
  
"Hello," answered Cheyenne.  
  
"It's me."  
  
"O it's you... mind telling me who exactly?"  
  
"O God Cheyenne, who else ever calls you?"  
  
"Alright Haley, what do you want?"  
  
"Well, I just got off the phone with a friend and we're going to a spa. Wanna come?"  
  
"Can't. Big Lucas plans."  
  
"O yeah, I wanted to ask you about that," I said casually. Cheyenne never told me about her boy toy adventures, but I was hoping that she'd tell me just this once.  
  
"I knew you'd ask about it. Well, since he's your best friend, I'll tell you. It went wonderful. He was so romantic and took me to a restaurant on a boat. Then we went to a park and counted the stars. He's so amazing."  
  
"Awww... my lil Lukie is a romantic."  
  
"Hey! Don't tell him I told you."  
  
"Don't worry, he'll probably tell me anyways... so what's the verdict?"  
  
"Well on a 10 point scale, he's a 10."  
  
"Oooo... I thought a perfect 10 was an unattainable feat, but it seems lil Lukie reached it."  
  
"O did he reach it!"  
  
"Ok, there's gotta be a rule for talking about this new budding relationship. And that there will be no sex talk!"  
  
"O but he reached it in so many ways!"  
  
"Ewwww, Cheyenne, he's like a brother and that's just gross."  
  
"Alrighty, no sex talk... O Lucas wants to talk to you."  
  
"He's with you?"  
  
"Duh..." I heard her hand the phone to Lucas.  
  
"Haley?" asked a confused Lucas.  
  
"Yes Lucas?"  
  
"I want to talk to you. Can we have lunch tomorrow? There's some stuff that we need to discuss."  
  
"Yeah, I know... Be at my dorm tomorrow to pick me up at 1, ok?"  
  
"Ok... o and don't tell Cheyenne about the rest of my nicknames, pleeeaseee..."  
  
"Well, it depends on how good the lunch is? See ya lil Lukie!"  
  
"Bye Hoochie Hales."  
  
We hanged up and I slipped my cell back into my bag. I rushed back to my dorm and grabbed a red bikini. I stole Cheyenne's car keys and hopped into her mustang.  
  
The car smelled of her patented perfume mixed with the aroma of pine cones. There were pizza boxes, soda cans, lunch bags, and candy wrappers lining the car's floor. I lightly laughed at my friend's messiness. She wasn't a neat freak, that was for sure. I started the car and drove off towards the borough of Boston.  
  
When I had finally found Peyton and Brooke's place, I saw them near a café. They noticed me waiting and slid into the car. Peyton turned on the punk rock music as Brooke stuffed ear plugs into her ears.  
  
Once we had reached La Beau Vous Spa, we entered the lobby. Each of us were given the Maximum Beauté Relâcher Treatment. We marinated in mud, got massaged on hot rocks, were masked with avocado, and steamed like clams. We entertained ourselves by watching chick flicks, eating chocolate-covered strawberries, and babbling about our latest problems. Of courses, I could see that Brooke and Peyton really wanted to talk about Nathan, but I masterly avoided that subject.  
  
When the evening had come and I had dropped off Brooke and Peyton, I began to realize something. I had just avoided the Nathan problem. I hadn't solved it. Now that I was alone, it was gnawing away at my insides and racking my brain with more issues.  
  
I have to face Nathan. The sooner, the better. 


	13. Followed by a Stranger

Chapter 13: Followed By a Stranger  
  
How was I going to tell Nathan about my feelings? What would I tell him? How was I going to find him? Would he even listen to me? Does he still feel the same?  
  
All these questions started to trouble me. I didn't know what to do. Here I was trying to rekindle a lost relationship. A relationship that I deemed hopeless years ago. A relationship that I wanted more than life itself, but I had to let it go. But after all these years, I have finally realized that I couldn't let it go. It was always still in the back of my mind, lingering. My thoughts drifted to the many precious moments that I had with Nathan.  
  
FLASHBACK I was sitting in my desk studying and he was lying on my bed. He asked me a question, so I came over and laid on the bed right next to him. We were so close; I could feel his short breaths. His strong arms gently slid onto my body, touching me. I saw him looking so intensely into my eyes. I slowly rolled onto my back and he followed on top of me. He started to kiss me along my neck and I felt my heart pounding. His mouth made his way to my lips. We passionately kissed, our bodies surrounding each other's.  
  
Heatedly, the passion grew. I felt my blood grow hot and my skin tingle. I looked into his eyes and saw love, not lust. This only made me more passionate. I kissed him fervently as his hands grazed my back. Each of his motions made me want to feel his touch forever. My hands wandered from his neck down towards his abs. His body was warm.  
  
Abruptly, he pulled away. He looked at me and then asked "are you ready?" I nodded my head with certainty. I pulled him back onto me. That night held the most amazing moments of my life. (AN: you can kind of infer what happened that night. I can't do sex scenes, mainly because I have to picture everything I write and that would be just plain weird) END OF FLASHBACK  
  
NEXT FLASHBACK Valentine's Day had come after I had told Nathan that we couldn't be together. I was walking to my locker and found a single rose attached to the metal clasp. I took the rose out and opened the locker. Inside, there was a love letter, a song he wrote, and the top ten reasons why we should be together. I smiled as I looked at everything. I looked up to steal a glance at Nathan, but I saw him with a blonde cheerleader. His hand was wrapped around her waist and he was whispering in her ear. She was giggling and twirling her hair.  
  
I was seething with anger. This was just another one of his I-hate-you- Haley comebacks. I took the stuff out of my locker and intentionally got his attention. I felt him stare at me. I turned around and gave him and his bimbo a disgusted look and chucked the Valentine's present in the trash. His hand on the blonde immediately fell and I saw him start to shake with anger. I flirted with a couple of jocks, and then walked off towards my class. END OF FLASHBACK  
  
Yup, that's how the relationship worked. It was just a big game after my confession. One that he always won and he always had to rub it in my face. His defense mechanism was always a nasty thing. When he let someone in, he rarely ever let them out. I was an exception. I got out, but not because I wanted to. I needed to. I just got so jealous whenever he was with another girl. He felt the exact way, if not worse, about me and other guys.  
  
It was 9 o'clock at night and I was walking around the town by myself. I looked around and felt strange. After a few minutes, I felt an eerie sensation tingle through my spine. When this nervous, edgy feeling failed to disappear, it began to haunt me.  
  
I looked behind. There was nothing but darkness. The moon's light gave the surroundings a silver glow. The silhouette of the trees was the only visible thing. Suddenly, I heard the sound of foot steps. I kept on walking, hoping that it was nothing serious. The tingling sensation raced through my body. The hairs on my back stood up. My breath became short. My eyes were shadowed with fear.  
  
The footsteps kept going. I heard them start to approach me. O my God, the person was right behind me! I hastened my steps and made them quicker. The person's footsteps behind me also quickened.  
  
Suddenly, I felt cold clammy hands grab me. I was pushed against a wall roughly. The man started to place his hands along my body. I screamed, shrieked, and yelled, but it felt hopeless. The man started to grope me.  
  
My body was numb with fear. I tried to run, but my legs couldn't move. My life was over. I felt dizzy. I was going to faint.  
  
Suddenly, I felt the man release me. I fell to the ground and my body lay askew on the pavement. I heard him scream as someone was beating him up. I couldn't keep awake, though. I felt my eyes flutter with heaviness. Total pitch darkness was surrounding me. The last thing I saw was a familiar pair of blue eyes. 


	14. My Hero

Chapter 14: My Hero  
  
Slowly the heaviness from my eyes drifted away. I saw a blurry light appear and pierce through the darkness. The light intensified and the darkness began to ebb away. Then a hazy fog came. The haze gradually disappeared. I felt my steamy tears mingle with my sweat. I was soaked. My clothes were clinging to me. After awhile, my eyesight became clearer and I began to take in my surroundings. I was in a room. There were basketball posters on the wall, clothes on the floor, and the window was slightly open. I heard muffled voices outside of the room.  
  
"Yeah, bring him over, too," I heard a man murmur.  
  
"You're sure she's okay?" I heard Peyton's voice.  
  
"I don't know..."  
  
"O God... did you save her before he... before he raped her?"  
  
"Yeah... I never felt so scared, Peyton... I mean... I was just so lucky to have been there..."  
  
"We should thank God that he didn't... that he didn't rape her... I'll go get Lucas and Brooke."  
  
"Brooke?"  
  
"Yeah, she's taken a liking to Haley... I should go get them. They're probably dead from worry. Bye."  
  
"Bye Peyt."  
  
I heard the door open. Then someone walked in and sighed deeply. He flicked on the lights. He walked over to the bed I was in. The sound of a chair scraping against the wooden floor made me come back to reality.  
  
There sitting next to me, was Nathan. His face was clutched in his hands. I coughed slightly to get his attention. He tore away his hands from face, leaving a red mark.  
  
"Haley..." was all that he could say before he looked at the floor.  
  
"I can't remember... What happened?" I asked. The past day seemed like a blur to me.  
  
"Um... this guy came up behind you and tried to... he tried to hurt you. I saw it and got you away from him..."  
  
The room was filled with silence. I lay in the bed as the sudden flashbacks all came back. Someone grabbing me. Ice cold hands – hands that were touching me. The darkness swirling around me. My only hope was found in the blue eyes staring at me as I fainted.  
  
"Nathan..."  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"Thank you... you-you saved me..."  
  
Again, the silence consumed us. Both of us were looking at the floor contemplating as to what we should say. I finally gathered enough courage to tell him the truth.  
  
"Do you remember high school?" I whispered. He looked up at me. I saw a flash of guilt spread through his blue eyes.  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
The silence prevailed once again, as our high school memories dashed through our minds.  
  
FLASHBACK Lucas and I were walking down the halls. We walked into the class and took a seat next to one another. Then, Nathan and his posse walked in. He looked at me, then turned away to talk to a cheerleader.  
  
As the class proceeded, the teacher divided the class into groups of 4. I just so luckily ended up in being in Nathan and his bimbo's group. O joy!  
  
Luckily, I also had Daryl in my group. He was a sweet, smart, and hot guy. He was president of our class and the captain of the lacrosse team. He was basically perfect. His family wasn't even part of the elite society, so I was urged by my parents to date him. I was told that he had a major thing for me, so I was glad that I wasn't alone.  
  
The teacher had designed a project in which we had to interview one of our classmates. Then we had to make a movie with a character similar to each person in the group.  
  
"So Haley, can I interview you?" asked a nervous Daryl.  
  
"Well, sure –" I was interrupted by Nathan.  
  
"Well I think that the whole group should be there at the interviews." I could tell that he was ready for another of his jealous rages.  
  
"Well Nathan, you don't honestly want me and Daryl to be there when lil Miss I'm-blonde-and-a-bimbo interviews you, do you?" I asked him sarcastically.  
  
Then that stupid bimbo started to whisper in his ear all sorts of nonsense. I looked away dismayed. Nathan looked at me with his eyes begging to consider out relationship again. I closed my eyes. We then continued with our project. END OF FLASHBACK  
  
NEXT FLASHBACK I had gone to a party with Lucas. I was handed a cup of rum and coke. I gulped it down and started to talk to a bunch of random guys. I saw them checking me out, but I wasn't interested in them. The only guy who had caught my attention was talking to Peyton heatedly.  
  
Then Brooke announced that there was going to be those fun games. I headed for the porch to escape, but Lucas grabbed my arm. Everyone sat around a big table. Someone handed me a cup of vodka.  
  
Brooke: Ok, I'm gonna start. Hmm... let's see... how about Truth or Dare? I Never? Strip Poker? Jenga? Taboo? Wow, there are like sooo many... hmm... Ok, we're doing my fave, Truth or Dare!  
  
The group groaned loudly. The only thing I wanted was to get away. But nooooooo, stupid Lucas has to hold me back. Asshole.  
  
Brooke (In high school, she was like a nonstop chitchatting gossip queen): So, my turn... hmm... who shall be my next victim? I got it! Peyton...  
  
Peyton: Dare  
  
Brooke: I dare you to go up to a guy, who you have fantasized before, and fulfill your fantasy.  
  
Peyton walked over to Jake, her hands shaking. She slowly leaned down and kissed him fervidly. It started to progress rather quickly. They stopped when someone yelled. I think Lucas said it, because he was really red-faced with anger. Although Peyton and Nathan were together, he seemed to busy looking at me to care.  
  
Peyton: Wow... umm... okay... how about Nathan?  
  
Nathan: Truth  
  
Peyton: Out of the girls in this room, who have you slept with?  
  
Nathan sat there quietly. I could tell there was an internal struggle going on. He looked at me, and then glanced away. I hoped, nay prayed, that he wouldn't tell them.  
  
Peyton: C'mon Nate, tell us... We won't bite. (She was so buzzed, that she forgot that he was her guy.)  
  
Nathan: Ummm... well there's Peyton, Brooke, Kelly, and...  
  
Brooke: And???  
  
Nathan: and... no one else.  
  
I sat there, my head spinning. Did Nathan Scott just pass up an opportunity to embarrass me? Why? He always loves ruining my life. This would be the easiest way to shit all over my world. Why didn't he do it? What's stopping him? These questions just swirled in my mind as I drank the night away. END OF FLASHBACK  
  
NEXT FLASHBACK I was walking to my locker when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I looked around and found Daryl. I smiled at him exposing my pearly white teeth. His face cracked into an abashed smile.  
  
"Can I walk you to your class?" he coyly asks.  
  
"Well, I'm going to the library. You can come if you want," I say looking aimlessly around.  
  
"Sure," he replies with a giddy smile.  
  
When we arrived at the library, I set down my books and told Daryl that I have to find a book. I go around to the nonfiction section and hear a girl giggle. I stopped in my tracks and unintentionally listened to their conversation.  
  
"Stop, Nathan... We're going to be caught," I heard Peyton giggle out. She truly disgusted me back in high school.  
  
"No one will know... but we could go to my car," I heard Nathan add suggestively.  
  
"No... my car," Peyton giggles and they both exit the library and head towards the parking lot.  
  
I was burning with jealousy. He always had to make me feel like this. Depressed, lonely, basically like shit. I walked away, forgetting about the book. I sat down at my table.  
  
"Haley, are you okay? You look really pale," said Daryl.  
  
"I'm fine," I affirmed while plastering a fake smile.  
  
"Well, I was wondering... If you wanted to... No pressure or anything... If you wanted to got out this Friday? I mean, you don't have to. If you don't want to, I'll accept it-"  
  
"Yes," I said. I had to get my mind off Nathan and Daryl was a way.  
  
After that, Daryl and I had gone out for the entire senior year. We broke up when had to go to Stanford. We promised though to keep our friendship intact. END OF FLASHBACK  
  
I broke the silence when I realized that he wasn't going to.  
  
"Nathan... I-I miss you," was all I could gasp out.  
  
"Haley, me too. Just... let's not do this right now... I don't want you to start this whole thing, because-just because I saved you. I want it to be real."  
  
"Nathan-"  
  
Ding-dong-ding-dong  
  
Just then the doorbell rang. He looked deeply into my eyes, and then tore away. He sighed again and slowly got up. Emotionlessly, he walked out of the room to answer the door. I was left alone in the dark room... alone with my panic. Panic that he may not want me anymore. 


	15. Promise Me

Chapter 15: Promise Me  
  
I dozed off once Nathan had left me. I didn't want to think anymore. My thoughts were scaring me, but even sleeping wouldn't let me escape my nightmares.  
  
I dreamed of a sea green lake surrounded by tall trees. The sun was just a shadow as it loomed down. Replacing it was the luminous moon, shining upon the lake. There wasn't any star though. I stared up at the sky, confused. Why was the sky so clear? Where had the stars gone to?  
  
I looked at the lake. Slowly, my legs started to crumble. They felt like rubber. I was sliding into the lake. The ice, cold lake. The crisp water overwhelming my body. My body was shaking, trembling, and shivering from the coldness. My blood turned thick. My nerves were numb. My hair was glazed with stiff frost.  
  
Suddenly, something began to pull me. I looked down through the murky waters to see a pale hand. It was pulling me down into the cold depths of the waters. Then another hand flung out of the water and clutched my throat. It squeezed tight. My lungs pained horribly.  
  
Then the hands let go. The water flushed into my lungs. My mind was spinning. I looked up at the moon through the waters. It was staring at me. I felt so helpless. All I could do was let the water drown away my life.  
  
When I had woken up from the dream, I clutched my sides. Tears rolled down my cheeks. Sweat coated my skin. I bit my lip with apprehension. The bitter taste of blood filled my mouth.  
  
The door cracked open. Lucas and Cheyenne bustled in. Cheyenne was trembling from worry. Lucas was shaking with fright. They enveloped me into a hug. We just stood there, embracing one another.  
  
"H-Haley... we were so scared..." gasped Cheyenne.  
  
"It's my fault, I should've been there for you-" started Lucas.  
  
"No Luke. It was my fault. I mean-" interrupted Cheyenne.  
  
"Stop!" I shouted. I couldn't listen to them blame themselves. It was my fault. They looked at me, scared. Slowly Lucas started to talk.  
  
"Cheyenne, can you excuse us. I'd like to talk to Haley about something really important."  
  
"Yeah sure," faltered Cheyenne. Her lip was quivering as she tried to hold back the tears. She left the room and closed the door.  
  
"Haley... I'm sorry..."  
  
"Yeah, I know... I can't believe that guy almost..."  
  
"How could anyone do that to a person? How can they even think about it?" His eyes were saddened. His hand was twitching. I could tell he was angry.  
  
"Lucas, don't do anything stupid." I knew he was going to do something stupid.  
  
"Haley... I can't let this guy go unpunished..."  
  
"I just want to forget about it..."  
  
"You can, but I won't. He hurt you Hales, and I will be damned if I let him live."  
  
"Please Lucas... just promise me you won't hurt yourself. I can't let you get hurt."  
  
"I won't get hurt. He will."  
  
"Please, just forget about it..."  
  
"Hales, I'm doing this for you and all his other victims. I can't express my disgust without throwing up. What he did was wrong. If the police aren't going to do something, I will."  
  
"What if he hurts you? Huh? How will I feel?"  
  
"I won't get hurt."  
  
"And why not?"  
  
"Because I'm not doing this alone."  
  
"Who's helping you?"  
  
"Just some old friends."  
  
"Please Lucas... I can't let you get hurt."  
  
"And I can't let you get hurt. Haley... I have to do this for you and me..."  
  
"Promise me you'll come back... don't go if you can't promise me."  
  
"I promise." He kissed my forehead and looked at me. His eyes welled up with tears. He got up and walked out of the room. I heard some people mumble, then leave. I starred at the ceiling wondering what Lucas was going to do. I already had a pretty good idea, though.  
  
Just then the door opened. Cheyenne entered and sat in a chair next to the bed. Her back faced me. Her voice cracked when she spoke.  
  
"I-I was so scared... Peyton called and told me of how he-he... he tried to hurt you..."  
  
"It's alright Cheyenne... I'm still here." I had to calm her. She was shaking violently. I got up and hugged her. I knew she was hurting.  
  
"It's just that... you're my sister... I can't let you go, too," Cheyenne whispered as the tears drenched her cheeks.  
  
The gravity of her words kicked the air out of my stomach. Her sister, Chloe, was all the family she had. Now, she only had me. I forgot about my pain and thought about her's. I have to find a way to fix it. She was breaking apart. I had to put her together again.  
  
"Cheyenne... have you ever visited Chloe?" I timidly asked.  
  
"Not in 2 years..."  
  
"Cheyenne, I can't see you like this anymore... I think you should see her... just see her."  
  
She looked at the ground, the pain scrunched up in her eyes.  
  
"I can't."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I just can't look at her..." She was still looking at the floor, not at me.  
  
"Look at me Cheyenne."  
  
She looked up and I saw a flash of sorrow.  
  
"Cheyenne, you can't avoid her. You have to face your fears... remember?" I was hoping she would remember the lil speech she gave me right before the party at Lesley. She smiled despite the agony.  
  
"I guess you're right... but don't make me go along... come with me..."  
  
"Of course, I will." I hugged her and patted her back.  
  
After awhile, Cheyenne left to get some green tea to help "relax my nerves and appease my stress." Whatever.  
  
Slowly the door squeaked open again. It was Nathan.  
  
"Nathan..."  
  
"I have to go with someone to do something... I'll be back later."  
  
He was about to close the door when instead he rushed by my side. He bent down, leaning against me. His breath ran short against my neck. He gently kissed me. I put my arms around his neck and pulled him in. His hands clutched my body. Hungrily, we kissed and moaned. I didn't want to be away from him anymore. I placed kisses along his neck while he whispered into my ear "I love you." Those 3 words sent shivers down my spine. We lay on the bed and things just progressed.  
  
Before our clothes were off though, I heard someone call his name. Nathan got up alert of the surroundings. He kissed my passionately again.  
  
"I have to take care of some business... I'll be back," he murmured.  
  
"Promise?" I asked weakly.  
  
"I promise."  
  
He walked away and closed the door. The sound of the door shutting echoed in my ears. Where was Nathan going? 


	16. Don't Worry

**Chapter 16: Don't Worry**  
  
I lay there dreaming of happiness. Somehow, things had clicked. I felt loved. I hadn't felt that way since Daryl was in my life...  
  
He was a great guy. Daryl helped me to live without Nathan. No, that's not right. He helped me to not fall apart when Nathan wasn't there. When Nathan had gone on his campaign against me, I felt weak. There was just one problem with him. He wasn't Nathan. Sometimes, I wished he was Nathan. He was the perfect guy. It seemed that we were supposed to be together, we were perfect.  
  
However, perfection isn't good. The summer we broke up, I had told him that this won't work. He had accepted it. We became close friends. I still miss him. I wonder what he's been up to nowadays.  
  
My thoughts were broken by the muffled sounds of people talking.  
  
"What'd you do to him?" I heard Cheyenne whisper.  
  
"The whole works. We dumped him in front of the police station and told him not to say a thing," I heard Lucas grumble.  
  
"Where's Peyton and Brooke?" Cheyenne asked.  
  
"They're coming."  
  
I heard the door burst open.  
  
"God, Tim! You go to the police academy and you're still the same dumb sh!tbrick. You haven't changed a bit!" I heard someone yell with frustration. It sounded like Brooke.  
  
"Hey, don't blame me! You were the one who wanted to take a 'shortcut'. And it took us all around the whole damn neighborhood 3 fucking times!" yelled someone. Hmm... that voice sounded so familiar... Was that Tim? Nah... he was in Everett.  
  
"Will both you idiots shut it!?! Haley is here and she can hear you," I heard Nathan whisper frantically.  
  
There was a moment of silence.  
  
"Can I go see her?" asked that familiar voice.  
  
"I haven't seen her either. Neither has Peyton," Brooke said, her voice almost inaudible.  
  
"Yeah..." was all that Peyton said.  
  
The door opened and in came Tim. He sat on the bed. I jumped up and hugged him.  
  
In high school, he was best friends with Nathan. Despite that, we had become friends in 11th grade. He had come to me for tutoring. He was always there for me. We had even gone out for a month.  
  
He enveloped me in a huge bear hug and smiled.  
  
"What are you doing here Tim?" I asked eagerly.  
  
"Well, being in the Everett Police Academy (AN: I don't know if it exists, but there is a Massachusetts town called Everett.) is damn hard work and I wanted to see my buddy."  
  
"Well I'm glad you're here! Now, do you really think I'm stupid?"  
  
"Huh? You lost me Haley."  
  
"I'll repeat my question, what are you doing here?"  
  
"Damn Haley, no need to get all Sherlock on me. Ok, ok... Nathan, Lucas, and Jake called me up and told me... what happened. I used my bad ass police skills and found the dipsh!t at a club. I arrested him and then we beat him to sh!t. Then we left him in front of the station."  
  
Pure silence coiled around us as I sat upright in the bed shocked.  
  
"Timmmmmmm... What were you guys thinking? What if he sues you?"  
  
"He won't. Just trust me babe. He won't."  
  
"Fine, I'll trust you, but don't call me babe."  
  
"O that's right. Perverted comments and sexual innuendo are now Nathan's job."  
  
We grinned at each other.  
  
"It worked out didn't it?" he asked me.  
  
"Yeah..." I shyly said.  
  
"Told you so," he childishly said.  
  
I just laughed. Tim was always the silly kid. There was a knock on the door. I yelled for them to come in. Peyton and Brooke burst in. Tim grimaced. I chuckled at his reaction. God, he never liked Brooke.  
  
"Tim, mind getting your ass out of here? Girl talk," Brooke said. She opened the door and pointed. He looked at her with disgust, and then walked out.  
  
"Brooke, when are you and Tim just gonna let the passion let loose?" I asked Brooke.  
  
"Well, there is no passion. Nothing to let loose," she replied.  
  
"Sure Brooke... You know you guys would look cute together?" I asked with a smirk.  
  
"O they would, wouldn't they?" added Peyton.  
  
"Sorry girls, ain't gonna happen. But I do know something that is happening. What's going on with you and Nathan? Got any yet?" she asked simply.  
  
"O God Brooke, I'm not telling you," I waved off her question.  
  
"C'mon, just tell us. He was acting all manly and protective today. I know you got some action," stated Peyton.  
  
"Fine, there was tongue. That's all I'm going to say about this private and personal matter," I said.  
  
"Oooo... It's now a private and personal matter! Peyton, now I think that things got a lil too heated when we were away," asserted Brooke.  
  
"o shut it, you're not getting any info from me," I laughed.  
  
"Brooke, she ain't gonna spill. Time for Plan B," said Peyton.  
  
They both got up and tickled me. My sides were splitting from laughter.  
  
"Stop, no stop. Fine! I'll tell you," I gasped.  
  
"He said that he loves me..." I said rubbing me sides.  
  
"O MY GOD!" squealed Brooke.  
  
"You can say that again," said Peyton.  
  
Just then Jake called Peyton's name.  
  
"Looks like lover boy needs you," said Brooke.  
  
"Looks like he does," said Peyton. She got up and was about to exit. She retreated back inside the room and hugged me.  
  
"I'm so glad you're okay," she smiled.  
  
"I am so fine that I don't know why I'm even in bed," I stated. I got out of the bed and stretched my body.  
  
She laughed, and then left the room. Then Nathan, Lucas, and Cheyenne tumbled inside the room.  
  
"Haley, we got a call from our coaches, and guess what?" asked a giddy Lucas.  
  
"What?" I played along.  
  
"The NBA has invited us to a conference! They want the 'Scott Brothers'!" Lucas told. I hugged him, then Nathan, who was standing there awkwardly.  
  
"Where is it?" I keenly asked.  
  
"In New York, the Big Apple," replied Lucas.  
  
"So what's it about?" I happily ask.  
  
"We get to meet some NBA pros and they are considering us... And we were thinking that maybe you girls would like to come with us," Lucas said gleefully.  
  
I look over at Nathan. He's looking at his shoes. I go up to him and kiss him passionately, then pull back. Everyone in the room is surprised, including me. Nathan swoons over to me and wraps his hands around me.  
  
"I'm proud of you Nate," I whisper gently into his ear. We pull apart, seeing a confused Cheyenne and a happy Lucas. Just then the phone rings and Nathan gets up to answer it.  
  
"What's wrong Cheyenne?" asked Lucas once he noticed her uneasiness.  
  
"Well, I don't mean to spoil the mood, but... Chloe's in New York... Haley, maybe we can see her some other time?"  
  
I know she's trying to avoid Chloe. She's shaking. O God, she's really hurting. Lucas wraps his arms around her.  
  
"Cheyenne, everything will work out in the end. Don't worry. Don't worry," was all the comfort that Lucas could give her as tears splashed her face. 


	17. New York Baby, Here We Come

**Chapter 17: New York Baby, Here We Come!**  
  
Here I was stuffing my bag with clothes in my dorm room. Going to New York! I am literally fawning with happiness. I get to spend some hotel time with Nathan, shopping at 5th Avenue (if I can afford it...), and meet Cheyenne's family.  
  
I've always wondered about them. During Thanksgiving, Cheyenne would come over to my house. Although I knew something must be wrong, I couldn't help but feel sad. Her mom and dad had died in a car accident; she lived with verbally abusive adoptive parents; and her sister is lying in a vegetative state. But my family always welcomed her into our home.  
  
I packed away my last outfit when there was a knock on the door.  
  
"Come in," I said.  
  
I turned around and saw Nathan. His eyes were startling.  
  
"Haley, you shouldn't just say 'come in' to anybody. What if it wasn't me?" he asked me with scrunched up eyebrows. I saw the worry in his eyes and smiled softly. Awwww... Nathan's worried about me...  
  
"Nathan, I knew it was you."  
  
"Uh huh, how may I ask did you know it was me and not a rapist?"  
  
I glided towards him. My eyes fluttering, my cheeks blushing, and my heart racing.  
  
"Well Nathan... I knew it was you... you're the only one who can do this," I said as I took his hand and placed it over my heart. He adoringly looked at me, and then swooped down and kissed me. I wrapped my arms around him as he lifted me towards my bed. He then pulled away.  
  
"James, you stole my line... I'm supposed to say corny lines to get you in bed, not the other way around..."  
  
"Shut up Scott before I beat you with a stick."  
  
"Ooo dirty talk, just the way I like it."  
  
"Stop talking," I said as I captured his lips. He caved, definitely not reluctant. Our clothes flew off, our breaths became short, and our hearts beating rapidly.  
  
"Where were you guys?" asked a curious Cheyenne.  
  
"No where..." I said uncomfortably.  
  
"Cheyenne, let's go over the facts. Nathan disappeared. Haley didn't answer her cell. Both of their clothes are in disarray. Both came in together. O and Haley's face is beet root red," said Lucas with a mock detective attitude.  
  
"O I know they did something. I just want Haley to admit it," said Cheyenne with a stupid grin. I glared at her. O dear, she could be a nosy rat sometimes.  
  
"I'll admit it for Haley. We had steamy wild sex with no rules. Triple X style... O and with dirty talk," said Nathan with a cocky smirk. Lucas and Cheyenne groaned. Hahaha, they got a mental image to remember!  
  
"O you're torturing them Nathan," I laughed at his cockiness.  
  
"Serves them right," said Nathan satisfied.  
  
We laughed at Lucas and Cheyenne. They were mock gagging.  
  
"C'mon horn dogs. As much as I love my gag reflex, we have to leave now," said Cheyenne.  
  
We packed ourselves into Cheyenne's car. She started the car and cranked up her pop music as I pulled out 3 sets of ear plugs. I handed a pair each to Nathan and Lucas. All at once, we stuffed in the ear plugs. Cheyenne's music was not something any of us were fond of. Complain about Peyton's music, but at least she's got an ounce of rock taste. Cheyenne is in love with the pop era... you know the Spears-Aguilera-Madonna thing. It's something I don't adore too much.  
  
Cheyenne screeched to her music. Lucas was reading a book. Nathan was playing with his Gameboy. I was just watching the scenery. The sunset varnished everything with a light red glaze. The wind whipped my window. The clouds were stagnant and covered the stars. The trees swayed, their leaves whirling around in small eddies. The buildings were graying and still. The road ahead of us was empty, so lonely. A feeling grasped my heart that the road ahead of us was empty for a reason. Maybe, we were being led to nothing but heartache, pain, and turmoil. 


	18. Feelings Wrenched From Your Heart

Chapter 18: Feelings Wrenched From Your Heart  
  
I flicked my eyes open. The lights dazzled me as I woke up. I stared out at Time Square. I turned around to see the rest of the crew. Nathan and Lucas were glued to the window and staring with awe. However, Cheyenne fixed her eye to the road and wouldn't look at any of the attractions.  
  
We pulled up to a hotel and took our stuff out. We got 2 rooms. One for me and Nathan; the other for Lucas and Cheyenne.  
  
Lucas and Nathan took off for the conference immediately. They were so excited that they dressed up and left fast.  
  
Alone, I walked to Cheyenne's room. She was sitting in a wooden chair and staring out of the window. I slumped down next to her in another scratched wooden chair.  
  
"Hey..." I said sheepishly.  
  
"O... hi..." she said meekly.  
  
"Whatcha looking at?"  
  
"O just the buildings. It brings back all these old memories."  
  
"huh... well do you wanna visit these buildings?"  
  
"No not really... I think.... I think I'm ready now."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"To visit Chloe."  
  
That took my breath away.  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"I have to... if I don't, then I won't move on..."  
  
"Ok... do you want to go now?"  
  
"Yeah, let me grab my purse."  
  
She softly got up and grabbed a coat and handbag. Then she looked at me expressionlessly.  
  
"Cmon..." I said as I pulled her into a hug and walked out with my arm dangling over her shoulder.  
  
We had just pulled up to the NYU's hospital. Cheyenne was deathly pale, but determined. I admired her. Here she was taking a huge step, and going someplace where everything could go wrong.  
  
When we entered the lobby, the receptionist greeted us without an air of concern.  
  
"Who will you be seeing?" she asked.  
  
"Chloe Biggins," I said. Cheyenne was too pale to speak.  
  
"O really, she hasn't had so many visitors for a while. She's in room 215."  
  
When we had arrived at the room, I let Cheyenne go in alone. The only sounds I could hear were muffled sobbing and blabber. Slowly, I walked away down the hall. Cheyenne had to do this without me by her side.  
  
I continued to walk aimlessly. All lost thoughts drifted into my mind. I felt clouded with the memories of my own life.  
  
When my grandmother died, I felt lost and lonesome.  
  
When my father had died, I was a mere child, but the agony I felt was that of an adult.  
  
When my little brother almost drowned, I felt torn. He was a pest that I needed in my life. We used to talk about the opposite sex, high school issues, and family problems.  
  
When my older sister got into a car crash, I felt useless by her side. She was hooked up to a rattling machine and I couldn't help her. That must be how Cheyenne feels.  
  
All these experiences just showed me how painful life is. Nothing could ever change it. We were meant to feel pain and joy.  
  
My thoughts continued to swirl into a mist. Thoughts were spinning in my own mind. I didn't even notice the soft tears flooding my face. Gently, they dripped onto the floor and clouded my vision.  
  
I sat down on a wooden bench in the hallway. I wiped away the tears and stared into the oblivion. The pure silence was interrupted by a loud echoing scream. I jolted in panic and ran towards room 215.  
  
I saw Cheyenne outside of the room, wringing her hands. Her face was drenched in cold sweat and warm tears. Rows of doctors bustled into the room. Nurses rushed Chloe to a different room. I saw them push Chloe on a bed.  
  
She looked like Cheyenne. I felt my heart rip when I noticed her eyes. They were empty. Like she wasn't anything. Heart-torn, I looked at Cheyenne. She looked heartbroken.  
  
The true painfulness of the situation wrenched my heart and numbed my mind. What was going on?  
  
All I knew was that something was wrong with Chloe. But what?  
  
I couldn't even look at Cheyenne. This was my fault. I shouldn't have forced her. If I didn't, then this wouldn't have happened.  
  
Guilt washed over me. It dulled the pain, but left me hurting more. What have I done?  
  
We sat there for a long time. Time ticked away, but the pain stayed. In fact, it grew. It plagued me. It tormented Cheyenne.  
  
Just then the head neurologist walked into the waiting room. He inched towards us in slow motion.  
  
Why was Chloe affecting me like this? She isn't my sister, but I feel since I know Cheyenne, I know her.  
  
When he did reach us, I felt the stabs of suspense slash through me.  
  
"Biggins?" he asked.  
  
We nodded our heads. The stench of the gloominess hung in the air. The pain thickened the air we breathed. My throat tightened with pain.  
  
"Ms. Biggins has just been pulled out of her vegetative state. She is conscious. We have managed to regulate her oxygen levels and her heart rate. I have never seen such a miraculous recovery in my entire career. It was truly an amazing experience. We have some papers for you to fill out."  
  
As he uttered those words, I felt the warmth return to my cold frail body. The dead tips of my fingers became alive. My spine tingled with relief. I dashed off the chair and pulled Cheyenne into a suffocating hug. Her body racked with sobs as she let out relief.  
  
When the tears started to dry, Cheyenne looked at me.  
  
"Haley, I'm so glad you're here," she whispered.  
  
"What are best friends for, huh? C'mon cry baby, go visit your sister," I urged. I knew she was dying to see her awake.  
  
She got up and smiled at me. Then she slowly walked into Chloe's room. I walked over to the receptionist and did the paper work. 


	19. A Day's Work

**Chapter 19: A Day's Work**  
  
I left the hospital kind of weary. I had just put myself in Cheyenne's shoes and felt empty. I left her with Chloe. They need to talk.  
  
Slowly I dragged my feet towards the car and took off. The rain clouded the windows and it drizzled down the glass. I left the window open, the drops splashing against my pale face. When I had reached the motel, I parked the car and sat quietly.  
  
The gentle spray of water showered my face. I felt myself begin to wake up from that deliriously cold nightmare.  
  
I can't believe that happened. She just woke up. I feel so happy, like this is surreal. Could this be a dream? I mean, she woke up like that.  
  
I can't help but feel awkward now. Will Cheyenne still need me? She has Chloe, will she want me too? I didn't want to lose her. She had grown on me. She was like a female Lucas.  
  
I clasped the metal handle and opened the door rigidly. The tears of the sky fell on my hair. I stood there mesmerized by the beautiful site. The beam of the sun's light broke through the thick swirling gray clouds. The golden ray tinted the clouds into a pure yellow color. I felt my eyes water with tears. I was captivated by the mere sight of something so amazing.  
  
The thunder growled and the lightning flashed. I clambered into the motel and ran to my room. I pulled off the drenched clothes and took a steamy shower. The mist of the warm water thawed my skin. I felt myself begin to feel again.  
  
Once I had dried and clothed myself, I just collapsed onto the bed and fell asleep.  
  
My cell woke me up. I groggily answered it.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Haley, were you sleeping?"  
  
"Yes Lucas, now leave me alone."  
  
"How's Cheyenne?"  
  
"Wonderful, now goodbye."  
  
"No wait, how is she?"  
  
"Her sister woke up, she's at the hospital. I'm at the motel."  
  
"Wow... just like that... she just woke up..."  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"O I have a surprise for you."  
  
"Lucas Scott, I hate surprises so just tell me now before I am forced to telepathetically kill you."  
  
"Geez. You're worse than mom."  
  
"I'll take that as a compliment."  
  
"It was meant as an insult."  
  
"I'll be sure to tell Ms. Scott that."  
  
"You wouldn't!"  
  
"I would, now stop avoiding the topic. What is my surprise?"  
  
"An old high school bud that me and Nate ran into."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Well, Nathan wasn't too happy. He was actually pissed, but who's to know? I was quite happy. I mean he was one of my best buds. He came here to be interviewed for an internship. We met him outside of the convention."  
  
"That's just dandy, now tell me who."  
  
"You just cut to the chase, don't you?"  
  
"Yep, now tell me."  
  
"He played lacrosse. He goes to Stanford. His name starts with a D. He-"  
  
"Daryl!?!"  
  
"Bingo."  
  
"O my God! How is the lil bugger? I haven't talked to him for awhile."  
  
"Fine. He wants to see you."  
  
"He does?"  
  
"Yep, you're having lunch with him tomorrow at 1. We're all going."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Well, um... he offered us a tour. How could I resist such a temptation like that?"  
  
"Uh huh. What's the real reason?"  
  
"Don't get all hot and wild, but Nathan is a little insecure. Just a tad."  
  
"Awww... he's jealous?"  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"Well, let's just say that he just scored some extra points in the sack, if you know what I mean..."  
  
"Ew Hales, I happen to see you as a sister. And I for one, will not tolerate my sister parading herself around with extra points and sacks."  
  
"But I won't be having any points and sacks."  
  
"You won't?"  
  
"Nope, I won't have anything on at all."  
  
"Gross, I'm hanging up now."  
  
"Good that's what I wanted you to do."  
  
"Bye Hales, I love you!"  
  
"Well I don't. You're too perky today."  
  
"Bye Hales."  
  
"Bye Luke."  
  
I flipped off the cell and threw it on the couch.  
  
Damnit Luke. I can't get back to bed.  
  
I tousled around in the bed. There was only one thought echoing in my head: Tomorrow was surely guaranteed to be interesting.  
  
Let's review today's events Chloe wakes up from a 5 year coma I get depressed Lucas and Nathan run into Daryl Having lunch with Daryl tomorrow  
  
Wow that sure is a lot of things to happen on ONE day. It's like I live in a non-stop soap opera.  
  
O fu(k, I forgot about the paper... my muse paper. Shoot, I still haven't figured out who I should make my muse. It's supposed to come naturally, so let's not think too hard. Who could it be?  
  
Soon my thoughts drifted to Nathan and his eyes.  
  
Without a second thought, I opened by suitcase and grabbed my pen and notebook. Thoughts of the paper, Chloe, Daryl, and all the drama sunk to the back of my mind. I was absorbed in my writing. The feelings flowed through my fingers. The fears and joys gushed onto the paper.  
  
Without a second thought, I wrote. When my hand cramped, the shadow of a pair of blue eyes urged me on. 


	20. Is Paradise Lost?

**Chapter 20: Is Paradise Lost?  
**  
The door slammed open. In came Nathan looking not so pleasant. Ok... that's putting it lightly.  
  
"Hey Nathan," I said acting like I was oblivious to his state of mind.  
  
He just walked in and slammed the door shut. I stood there quietly. He was mad. And I mean both crazy and angry. I cautiously walked over to him.  
  
"What's wrong?" I asked with concern evident in my quaking voice.  
  
"Nothing," he muttered.  
  
He then fell onto the bed and turned around so that I couldn't see him. After a deep silent moment, he turned over. His electric blue eyes rested on mine. They reflected jealousy and depression. I sat on the bed and lay next to him, then slowly placed my arm on his.  
  
"Are you going to tell me?" I asked with patience. I knew why he was mad, but I needed him to tell me, to let me in.  
  
"You're just going to think I'm stupid," he answered.  
  
"I have never thought you were stupid. Ok... well maybe once when you and Peyton pulled that awful prank on Lucas..."  
  
"O I remember that... how was Lucas able to forgive Brooke or Peyton?"  
  
"Honestly, I have no clue."

* * *

FLASHBACK  
  
Lucas and I hopped out of his pick up truck and walked into school. We stopped by my locker, then by his. When he opened it though, there was something truly ... wrong inside of his locker.  
  
"What the fuck!?!" screamed Lucas. I looked inside. There was a myriad of dead mice heaped up at the bottom with a note on top. On the inside of his locker door was pictures of porn... gay porn... His locker was also smashed with smelly brown bags filled with rotten food. The top tray even had ... wait what was that? O MY GOD... it was used condoms! Then to finish it off, there was a big pile of cow sh!t on his books. O and to make matters worse, his journal was missing.  
  
I never saw Lucas so mad. He looked at the note. It said:  
  
Dear Lucas, Trashing your locker was o so fun. We should do this again sometime. Contributions came from us, Nathan, and Tim. You might want to send us a lil thank you here and there. After all, we did decorate your locker with such vivid illustrations too (note the gay porn). We hope you thoroughly enjoyed the colorful display. I know we did. Love always, Brooke and Peyton PS: Let this be a lesson learned.  
  
END OF FLASHBACK

* * *

I quietly remembered that moment. That was a horrible thing that Peyton and Brooke did. I honestly don't even know if Lucas forgave Brooke or Peyton yet.  
  
"I really was an ass back then," Nathan said.  
  
"I fully agree," I said mockingly.  
  
"Ok... I'm... well you know who we ran into today, right?"  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"Daryl seems so much....so much more better than me... It seems like you should be with him... and I guess I'm just jealous."  
  
"Nathan... listen to me. I wanted you back then and I want you right now. I chose you for who you really are, not for who you appear to be. It's like... remember you and Peyton? You guys looked perfect, but that's only because that's how we, as a society, saw you as. You looked stereotypical and normal. With prejudice fogging out minds, we couldn't see that you guys were so ... wrong. It's like that with me and Daryl."  
  
He looked at me with hope, but then turned away again.  
  
"How can that be true? You guys look perfect, you are perfect for each other. I guess... I'm just waiting for you to realize that."  
  
"Nathan, can't you see what I'm saying? Daryl and I look superficial. We are the real deal. Just because something looks perfect, doesn't mean it is. I never loved Daryl. I guess what I'm saying is that I ... I love you."  
  
The words froze in the air. He turned around and looked at me with amazement.  
  
"Haley... I love you."  
  
He caved in and came closer. His body arched over me as the love just shone out of our bodies.  
  
Our kisses went from chaste to wild.  
  
"I love you more than you'll ever know," Nathan whispered as he let his hands wander along my stomach. Slowly, he lifted my shirt over my head.  
  
"I'll always love you, even until the day I die," I echoed in his ear. I lifted up his shirt and teased his abs.  
  
His hands slid up my thigh which sent tingling shivers down my back. He fingered my jean buttons and slowly unclasped them. My hands descended towards his belt buckle and I tore it off. But he pulled back for a moment.  
  
"Fu(k... where is it? Where the fu–there it is!" he said.  
  
Nathan opened the drawer and ripped a little package open. He came back to the bed and I felt the warmth slowly electrify my body. Our clothes flew off our bodies and fell onto the furniture. The temperature rose up. My skin got sticky with sweat as we did all sorts of ... things...  
  
With each sweltering kiss, I felt myself wanting this to last forever and ever. Nathan whispered sweet nothings in my ear, and I felt loved. It was heavenly, so divine. We were huddled in each other's arms, hoping that nothing could tear us apart.  
  
I lay in his arms as he wrapped me tightly. I felt so surreal. How did my infernal life turn so... perfect?  
  
"Nathan..."  
  
"Yeah Haley..."  
  
"You think this'll last forever?"  
  
"What'll last forever?"  
  
"Us..."  
  
"Haley, we'll last until paradise is truly lost."  
  
I looked deep into his blue eyes and felt my eyes want to stare at his blue sapphire eyes forever. They sparkled like clear pools under the golden sun. All I saw was love, innocent love. We were meant to be.  
  
This was paradise... but some say that paradise was once lost. Would ours be too? 


	21. Hakuna Matata & The Good Ol' Days

**AN: I am so sorry for not updating. I really hope you all like this one. It's pretty long, but ENJOY! **

**Chapter 21 Part 1: Hakuna Matata  
**  
The sun peeked through the moldy blind shades of the motel room. Slits of sunlight seeped into the room and lit the walls. I rolled around in the bed, only to find it empty. There was a note on the pillow.  
  
Haley I got a call from my manager. He wants me to meet some sports executive to campaign that "Scott Brothers" idea. I miss you already. I just want to lay down next to you and your body... o the possibilities... Ok, I'm getting too caught up with myself now... We'll meet you at the Skiles Restaurant at 1 pm. I love you. Everything I said last night was true. I would give up everything for you Hales. I have something important to talk to you about after lunch. Maybe we could go to Central Park. I love you again. Love, Nathan PS: Don't ever show Lucas this note or I will never live down my sappiness.  
  
A soft smile melted onto my face. The warm glow of happiness had spread through my blood. A feeling of sense and security gushed through me.  
  
With a smile plastered onto my face, I washed up and got dressed. After I was done, somebody knocked the door. It was Lucas.  
  
"Someone get lucky?" he greeted me.  
  
"Hello to you too," I said.  
  
"C'mon Hales. I have to stop over at my apartment."  
  
"Fine, but one question. Why didn't you let your best bud stay over instead of paying such monstrous fees for this cheap shack?"  
  
"Well, seeing how I do go to NYU and the apartment is kinda filled with male roommates, I thought I'd spare you the high testosterone levels."  
  
"I like the way you think, Scott."  
  
"Besides, you already deal with enough male hormones. The position for horny cocky ass has already been filled."  
  
"Yep, by you."  
  
"I was talking about a certain Scott named Nathan. If I was talking about me, I would've said something about capturing the essence of absolute unattainable perfection."  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
When we arrived at his apartment, I suddenly had an urge to go to the bathroom. I rushed to the bathroom and finished my business. Just as I was about to open the door, I heard a familiar voice. I leaned against the door and eavesdropped. Yeah, I know. It's none of my beeswax, but still... I am nosy.  
  
"Peyton, what are you doing here?" Lucas said.  
  
"Well, I had to um... I had to tell you something that is really important." Hmm... was she doing here.  
  
"And it couldn't wait?"  
  
"No, not really... I just thought I should tell you before—before you get really serious with Cheyenne."  
  
"Ok shoot."  
  
"I—I've had these feelings for you. They've always been there. They just haven't gone away. I think that we can have something."  
  
"Ok well... umm... I guess I should just say it. I had feelings for you Peyton. Lots of feelings. But then I met Cheyenne. We click. Us, you and me, we don't."  
  
"But—but what about all of the stuff you wrote about in your journal?"  
  
"O the poetry? Wait—you read them?"  
  
"After the locker incident, I found it."  
  
"Well, what can I say? I was in high school. Young, naïve, stupid..."  
  
"But what if we have something?"  
  
"All we have is the past, Peyt. I guess what you're really looking for is closure."  
  
"Lucas, I want you. Not closure."  
  
I heard a bump in the background and I peeked through the keyhole. Peyton had Lucas pinned against the fridge. She leaned in forward, but was abruptly pushed back by Lucas.  
  
"No Peyton. I have Cheyenne."  
  
"She doesn't have to know..."  
  
"Peyton, get off me. I don't want you. I don't think I ever did. It was lust in high school. And now it just doesn't seem worth it."  
  
"Lucas, please..."  
  
"No. I'm with Cheyenne. I can only give you your closure if you ever want it."  
  
"Ugh! Fine! Be with Cheyenne!"  
  
The sound of a door slamming echoed through the room. I heard Lucas let out a sigh. Slowly, I opened the door.  
  
"Did you hear everything?" he asked me with his hands covering his face.  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"Haley, I've wanted to hear her say those things since I left high school."  
  
I sat there silently listening to his rant.  
  
"And now that she finally said it, I just don't want to hear it. I finally found someone that is everything for me. And I think I—I love her... And Peyton just tries to squash it."  
  
"But you chose who you want to be with, right?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"So don't worry, Scott. Peyton has just been harboring old feelings for long. She'll get over it."  
  
"Well you know what they say," he said.  
  
"What do they say?" I asked.  
  
"Hakuna Matata," he said with a grin.  
  
Good grief. Soon, he started to sing the lyrics and dance.  
  
"Hakuna Matata! What a wonderful phrase Hakuna Matata! Ain't no passing craze. It means no worries. For the rest of your days. It's our problem- free philosophy. Hakuna Matata!"  
  
"What will become of you, Lucas?"  
  
"I'll become a famous Broadway guy."  
  
"I was thinking more along the lines of registering in an asylum. C'mon slugger, let's go before you break out the Disney tunes."  
  
"Under the sea. Under the sea. Darling it's better. Down where it's wetter. Take it from meeeeeeeeee—"  
  
"Lucas Scott! If you don't shut the hell up, I will clunk you with a hard object that will be guaranteed to give you a big red bump!"  
  
"Fine, but next time on, if you ever want to hear the catchy tunes from Disney movies, I won't sing."  
  
"Is that a promise?"  
  
"Just get in the car, James."  
  
When we arrived at the restaurant to have lunch with Daryl and Nathan, I only saw Daryl. He wore a suit and was talking on the cell phone. His eyes fell on me and I could tell he was checking me out. I felt nervous. Why? I don't know.  
  
He looked successful, very successful. And not bad to look at—no Haley, don't go there...  
  
He flipped his cell phone off and came over to greet us.  
  
"Hey Lucas, Haley..." he said.  
  
"C'mon guys, we should get to the table," Lucas said.  
  
When we reached the table, Daryl pulled back my seat and waited for me to sit.  
  
"Thank you," I said meekly.  
  
"O there is an extra seat," Daryl said looking at an empty seat.  
  
"Lucas, did you tell him that there was going to be another person?" I questioned him while furrowing my eyebrows. Argh Lucas is so stupid.  
  
"Must have slipped my mind," he said while looking at the menu.  
  
"Who's eating with us?" asked Daryl.  
  
"Nathan," I said.  
  
"Nathan, as in Nathan Scott?" he questioned.  
  
"Yeah, but—"  
  
"Nathan is going to be here and you guys didn't feel it fit to tell me. You both know that we hated each other. So tell me the truth. Why?"  
  
"Well, me and him are kinda... dating."  
  
"You're dating that jacka$$!"  
  
"Calm down, Daryl. It'll be ok," I assured him.  
  
"Ok?!? How the hell will it be ok? You knew the past and yet you are standing in front of me telling me that it'll be ok," he retorted.  
  
"Please Daryl. Do it for me. I really care about him. We have worked out our differences and are together, so please," I begged.  
  
"Ugh! Fine James, but I'm not making any promises," he concluded.  
  
"That's all I'm asking for," I beamed.  
  
Just then I saw Nathan walk in. He turned his face towards us and his eyes locked onto mine. He just looked into my eyes. It made me heart melt. He looked at me, when most guys just looked at my assets. Slowly, he walked over to us and took his seat next to me.  
  
His hand crept up on my leg and I stifled a giggle. He then turned his attention to Daryl and his smile turned into a scowl. Both looked intensely at each other, their eyes shadowed fiery hatred. It was obvious that they hated each other, but I didn't know why.  
  
What I did know was that this lunch was going to be a bloodbath.  
  
But you know what they say. Hakuna matata...

* * *

**Chapter 21 Part 2: The Good Ol' Days**  
  
"So..." I said awkwardly once everyone had been seated. I could feel the thick tension in the room. Nathan glared at Daryl. I glared at Lucas. That pig didn't tell Daryl, thus making this lunch even more painful.  
  
"What are you having?" Lucas asked me completely oblivious to the tension.  
  
"I'll go with the honeyed duck. What about you guys?" I asked the three guys looking at me. Wow, talk about déjà vu.  
  
FLASHBACK  
  
I was sitting at Karen's café doing my homework. It was getting late, but Karen invited me and Daryl to eat at the café for dinner. Deb had became Karen's partner and worked there, too. So there was me, Daryl, Lucas, Karen, and Deb sitting down peacefully eating a pleasant meal.  
  
In walked Nathan. He had to talk to Deb, so afterwards she invited him for dessert.  
  
He sat on the opposite of me. All three guys looked at me. Daryl, because his hand was on my thigh. Nathan, because he didn't like Daryl touching me. Lucas, because he wanted to eat my apple pie.  
  
END OF FLASHBACK  
  
Here we were, three years later and it is happening again. History just keeps on repeating over and over and over again.  
  
So all three guys were looking at me. Nathan, because his hand was on my thigh. Daryl, because he didn't like Nathan touching me. Lucas, because he wanted to drink my margarita.  
  
Déjà vu.  
  
"Hmm... I'm not so sure honey. I may go with the lasagna," replied Nathan. I looked uneasily at his face and saw a smirk played on his lips. Emphasis was placed on the word "honey", which was dripping in sappy sweetness.  
  
Good Lord, this is going to be another wondrous game of ping pong staring Nathan Scott and Daryl Waters.  
  
"I think I may have the spicy mandarin shrimps, because I like things a little hot," said Daryl while looking at my lips.  
  
Gee, that's just great. Nathan is overcompensating with sugary sweetness and Daryl is getting horny. It's like they reversed the roles.  
  
"I think I may have the teriyaki chicken. I have always like chicken," Lucas said still completely oblivious.  
  
"But come to think of it, I may go with the lemon chicken. That's always good. Or wait, I could try the maple chicken. It's supposed to be sweet. Or there is the mango chicken. I hear they sauté the chicken in mangos. I personally prefer chick—" Lucas continued, but I cut him off.  
  
"Ok enough with the chicken!" I blurted out with fiery eyes. Ok, I'm mad at him. I was mad at him in the beginning, but this whole chicken thing just doubled my anger. Then it tripled because he is acting like he is blind and doesn't see the beginning of the Nathan/Daryl WWIII.  
  
"I—I think I'll just go with the teriyaki..." stuttered Lucas.  
  
Just then a waiter came by and ordered our food. I could tell he was checking me out. So did Nathan; thus, making him possessively wrap his arms around my waist which I had no objection to whatsoever. Daryl just smirked at the jealous Nathan.  
  
Once the waiter had left, we began the awkward conversation.  
  
"So, how's it like in Boston?" asked Daryl turning his full attention to me.  
  
"It's good," said Nathan who interrupted me. I just bit me lip to stop me from laughing. This was so high school-like.  
  
"I wasn't talking to you," Daryl said coldly.  
  
"Well I was talking to you," Nathan said with a fake ex-pression of calmness. I could tell the anger was just bubbling inside.  
  
"Really? I always though you were a dumb jock with a speech impediment," Daryl replied.  
  
Nathan's face lost its calmness and was replaced with boiling anger. I knew I had to bring in the white flag.  
  
"So Daryl, how is life going for ya?" I asked him.  
  
"So nice of you to ask. I am doing very well. Stanford has done wonders and I guess it's only the beginning. I am working in the computer field now. It's quite interesting. Who knows, I may become the next Bill Gates," Daryl replied.  
  
"Well I'm so glad it's working out," I told him.  
  
"The next Bill Gates? What did he divorce his wife and announce his homosexuality?" Nathan asked with an air of interest and satisfaction.  
  
"No, you must be mixed up," Daryl said acting like he's superior.  
  
"Sorry about that. I just assumed when you said that you'd be the next Bill Gates, that he must have declared something of that sort. My bad," Nathan replied.  
  
"Don't assume or you make an ass out of yourself," Daryl said while chugging down his merlot.  
  
"Dude, bro then you gots to stop assuming," cut in Lucas who obviously had downed a few drinks.  
  
"Still the same bro I remember. O you remember our booze trip to Mexico?" asked Daryl.  
  
"Hell yeah, those were the good ol' days," Lucas said.  
  
"Yeah, well remember when we spent 5 days at the cabin?" Nathan asked me. I knew where he was going with this...  
  
"Uh huh. The 4 amazing hours in the hot tub? How could I forget?" I said nonchalantly. Hey, I might as well play both sides in this war.  
  
"Now those were the good ol' days," said Nathan.  
  
"Haley, remember that day we skipped school and went to Las Vegas?" cut in Daryl.  
  
"Yeah, that hotel was nice," I said while reminiscing  
  
"I especially liked the bed... and the Jacuzzi... and the elevator... now those were the good ol' days," said Daryl.  
  
"You have a problem, man?" Nathan asked Daryl, the anger getting the better of him.  
  
"Yeah and it's you," Daryl replied.  
  
"Why don't you just let it go? I won, you lost. Not a hard concept," Nathan said.  
  
"No, you didn't win and I didn't lose. Don't you realize that once Haley is done using you for whatever she wants, she'll discard you like white trash," Daryl said while getting out of his seat.  
  
"And what makes you think that she hasn't already done that to you?" Nathan asked him.  
  
"Well, look at me and look at you. I was there for her throughout high school. You were fcuking some chick. I worked hard to get someplace great. You, you are probably barely passing school. I am successful. You aren't. I've made a good name for myself by volunteering and giving back to the community. You, you just made yourself seem like the black sheep, the piece of gum stuck to a shoe, the trailer trash. You and I know you'll never amount to anything. So just give up already," Daryl said while his eyes looked at Nathan with a superior complexity.  
  
He then walked out of the restaurant. Nathan followed. Lucas and I trailed along outside, while the rest of the restaurant watched.  
  
"I'll never give up. I may not be the fcuking image of perfection, but I'm what I am for a reason. And Haley is with me for that reason," Nathan yelled at him.  
  
"She'll get over you and then she'll come to me. You and I both know that," Daryl bit back.  
  
They were etching closer and closer together. Their fists were bunched up and I knew they were ready for a brawl.  
  
"Stop it both of you! Daryl, I told you I love him, so just leave it alone. Nathan, just calm down," I tried to rationalize.  
  
Men. They have no sense of good judgment. You can't live with them; you can't get rid of them...  
  
"Haley, when are you going to open you eyes? Can't you see that we're perfect? Are you that blind?" Daryl asked bewildered at Haley's choice.  
  
"No, I can see clearly and I know that we aren't perfect. It's just an illusion and you have to go figure that out," I said.  
  
"Haley, just dump his ass already," Daryl came closer to me. Then he whispered softly in my ear "we are meant to be."  
  
Nathan saw this and charged at Daryl. No more Mr. Nice Guy. I glimpsed at Nathan and saw the sheer rage in his startling blue eyes. Jealousy reeked of him. I could sense that nothing was going to stop him now.  
  
"You bastard," Nathan exclaimed. They were attacking each other with punches flying all over the place. They were sprawled out on the ground and kicking each other.  
  
Lucas then intervened which wasn't good. Poor idiot. He ended up with a black eye.  
  
"STOP!" I screamed. All three fighting guys stopped and looked at me. They froze mid air. Nathan with his fist in Daryl's jaw, Daryl with his foot in Nathan's stomach, Lucas with his head stuck underneath Daryl and Nathan.  
  
"God! I told you both that I chose who I have chosen because I did. And get off Lucas, I think he's blacking out," I said.  
  
They finally noticed Lucas and got off of him. His eyes were swirling around in his head and he passed out.  
  
Daryl got some ammonia and twirled it under Lucas' nose. He woke up with big bulging eyes and fear stricken.  
  
"Wha—what happened?" he said.  
  
"You got sat on top of by those idiots," I said as I rubbed his head. He seemed wiped out.  
  
"I'm tired Haley..." Lucas whined. He's such a baby.  
  
"C'mon, I'll take you home. We'll leave these maniacs to figure something out. They obviously don't rationalize well," I said to Lucas while making sure that Nathan and Daryl had heard me perfectly clear.  
  
I looked up at them while holding Lucas. They both looked ashamed.  
  
"You two, go pay the check and talk. I won't fix either of your faces until you make amends. I'm sick and tired of this constant feud between you two," I said sternly.  
  
They nodded their heads and headed into the restaurant. I walked away with Lucas semi-leaning against me, semi-hobbling. We walked on the concrete path that led towards Lucas' car.  
  
"You are a mess Luke," I laughed lightly.  
  
"Hey, no laughing at the cripple," he said while clutching his eye.  
  
"Alright buddy, I'll take you home and get you cleaned up. We'll have to disinfect too."  
  
"No! Don't disinfect!"  
  
"Has anyone told you that you're an adult size baby."  
  
"Please Hales... I'll do anything."  
  
"Nope. Whatever shall your mother say if she sees this big puffy eye and finds that it's oozing out puss?"  
  
"She'll say that it looks very becoming."  
  
"Uh huh, somehow I doubt that. Let's go lil Lukie. You have a date with Ms. Hydrogen Peroxide."  
  
"No, not the hydrogen peroxide!"  
  
"Would you prefer Ms. Alcohol?"  
  
"Like liquor alcohol?"  
  
"No, like disinfectant alcohol."  
  
"Fine, but promise to give me the real liquor afterwards."  
  
"Deal."  
  
"C'mon last one to the car is a rotten egg."  
  
"Hey, no fair! You cheater!"  
  
I ran after him, but he was already getting into the car. Like I said before, Lucas is a kid. Hands down, I'm also a kid at heart. I just don't advertise like Luke does.  
  
This is when I'm glad I'm friends with him. He always makes the worst situations no longer worse. I know why he jumped in today and it wasn't just for fun. He did it to stop the fight and because I needed help. Help to stop my ex-boyfriend and my boyfriend from devouring each other.  
  
But let's not worry about that. Everything will work out. It always does. At least, it usually does...  
  
Let's just think back to the old distant days of happy childhood. Damn, they were the true good ol' days.


	22. The Moment We've All Been Waiting For

**AN: This chapter was a little hard to write b/c it was so personal. But I hope you will eventually like it. I really hope it doesn't suck. THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED SO FAR! Please continue to do so!!! Enjoy!**

**Chapter 22: The Moment We've All Been Waiting For**  
  
When Lucas and I arrived at his apartment, he collapsed onto the couch and continuously complained about Nathan and Daryl's violent antics.  
  
"They need anger management classes. Haley, we should hold an intervention and confront them about their atrocious behavior. I mean, they used childish tactics to resolve their stupid feud. What they did today was disgraceful and downright obscene. It hurt too. I have a big puffy black eye. Cheyenne's not gonna like this. And I have to go to a big meeting tomorrow. They are going to think that I am some rowdy violent ass. They'll see Nathan as the good guy and me as the bad guy. This is so fcuking great. We need this intervention. They need to stop," Lucas ranted.  
  
I barely listened to his blabber for two reasons. One, Lucas always did this sort of stuff. Two, I was worried about Nathan and Daryl. That idiot and the idiot I love could be tearing each other apart.  
  
While all these thoughts rushed through my head, Lucas kept on talking. I had finally reached my listening limit.  
  
"Ok Lucas, enough. Now shut up. If you don't, then I will be sure to apply the alcohol as painfully as possible," I said.  
  
"You wouldn't dare," he exclaimed.  
  
"O I would."  
  
I got up and grabbed the first aid kit. I slowly pulled out the bottle of disinfectant alcohol and showed it to him. I gently swayed the bottle back and forth. His eyes followed it like he was being hypnotized. Slowly, his eyes bent into those cute puppy dog eyes.  
  
"Please Haley. I'll do anything," he whined with his puppy dog eyes.  
  
"O no, I don't need you to do me anything. But I am up for some entertainment. Who's up for some delirious fun of disinfectants? I sure am," I teased.  
  
I carefully applied the medical stuff. He continuously winced and his body was trembling with sheer fright. After I was done, he got up from the couch and leaned against the wall. He then started to hyperventilate.  
  
"Thatta boy, just breath in, breath out, in, out," I mocked.  
  
"Shut up," he mumbled while breathing. When he was finally done, he got some drinks.  
  
"So you think they are going to come up in one piece?" I asked him casually while sipping my vodka.  
  
"Nope, but I think they'll try. Except one of them will do something stupid and then they'll fight again. It's the circle of Tree Hill life," he explained.  
  
"A circle of what?" I asked bewildered by his reasoning.  
  
"The circle of Tree Hill life. I was thinking about why our lives are always getting messed up. I mean, it's like we are on a really bad teen angst tv show. Our life in Tree Hill just follows us and repeats on and on. It's a cycle. Like, for me, first I screwed Brooke over, then Peyton, and then they screwed me over."  
  
"Hmm... that's a good theory, except you gotta admit it. You kinda deserved some of the pranks. O remember that one with the diapers..."  
  
"Hey! That was mean and childish."  
  
"It was mean, childish, and funny."  
  
Just then the door busted open and in came Nathan who looked weary and exhausted. He slowly dragged his legs to the couch and sat down quietly. His body was visually stiff and his eyes were rigidly cold. His hands were gently shaking and his face was pallid. The color had been drained from his face. His eyes menacingly glanced at me, then turned away.  
  
"Nathan..." I whispered. What had happened?  
  
"Don't worry, we made up. Your lover is safe from me," He said angrily while swiftly getting up and walking upstairs. I followed him completely confused by the entire situation.  
  
"Nathan... what are you talking about?" I called as I went upstairs. Something in my gut told me that it was bad. I opened a door and saw Nathan lying on a bed, his hands over his face.  
  
"He told me about it, ok," He said gruffly and turned away.  
  
"What are you talking about?" I asked again.  
  
"O don't play that sh!t with me, you know what I'm talking about," he said coldly. His tone sent shivers down my spine and it wasn't the good shivers. They were ice cold and burnt through my heart almost as if it was a cold flame.  
  
"I truly don't," I whispered. Why was he being so mean? I felt tears roll down my cheeks. What had I done? Why is he blaming me?  
  
"Remember that night at the promenade?"  
  
"Yeah... it was Christmas Eve."  
  
"That night I told you I loved you and you said you did too. You promised me that we were going to be together, but that you had family over. So you left early. I never questioned you. I trusted you. I thought you broke up with him, but no, you didn't."  
  
A silent pause filled the air for a moment as I wiped away my tears and he breathed in deeply.  
  
"I... I—" tried to explain, but he cut me off.  
  
"You left that night, that night I said those three words to you. And you went to Daryl and fcuked him like the whore you were. You didn't even give a damn about me, did you?" he said angrily.  
  
"Nathan, I..."  
  
"You what? You're sorry? Yeah well I don't give a sh!t anymore. We pieced the whole damn thing together. We figured out why we were enemies. It's because we were just victims of jealousy. And to make matters worse, you almost got pregnant. You almost got knocked up, didn't you?"  
  
"What do you want me to say?" I cried incredulously. Tears streamed down my face and blinded me. The lump in my throat sent a sharp searing pain down my neck.  
  
"I want you to tell me the truth. Just tell me you don't love me and stop this torture. Haley, I can't go through this. I love you with my whole being, but I can't live knowing you don't. I can't be near you. Just tell me the truth."  
  
Tears rolled down the sides of his face as he laid down on the bed. His voice was cruel, but shaky.  
  
"I was scared, okay? I was fcuking scared."  
  
"... Why?"  
  
"Because that night, I said the truth, the most truthful thing I have ever uttered, but I doubted us, our love. Do you know what hell I was living through? Girls constantly telling me how you were in bed, how you seduced them. This one girl even told me you said that you loved her. I couldn't believe it, but I knew it was true. So I thought you lied to me. I thought I was just another quick knock-me-up before practice. How was I supposed to believe you?"  
  
"And what about me? Do you want know what hell I was going through? I had my dad beating on me, my grades were sh!t, teachers were disappointed, and you weren't there. I only had random girls, but I dreamt they were you. Guys would talk about you and I couldn't take it. I even heard Daryl telling the guys about you in the sack. I thought you just didn't care about me anymore. I was scared too Hales, but I didn't run. I didn't fcuk around either."  
  
"I don't know what to say Nathan. I thought you lied to me, so I got drunk. Daryl was there and... Listen Nathan, I loved you then and I love you now. What I did was a mistake. I shouldn't have done it, but I couldn't go through with us... I felt so horrible... I just kept thinking that you were using me for sex and a cheap thrill. I—"  
  
"Haley, you were never a cheap thrill to me."  
  
"I didn't know that then. I always thought I was never good enough for you. And it hurt to think that the one thing I wanted, wasn't gone, but just wasn't meant for me."  
  
By now, I was sopping with tears. My face dripped with pain and I bowed my head in shame. I should never have slept with Daryl that night. Nathan sat up on the bed and faced me.  
  
"We were meant to be. I just can't believe the most memorable night of my life has just been washed away. I just can't believe you did that," his voice choked out. I could hear the strain in his tone.  
  
I leaned hard against the door frame and slowly slid down to the floor. I hugged my knees and hid my head. I felt like I was being suffocated, smothered to death. I wanted him to understand.  
  
"I'm sorry," I heaved as my voice cracked.  
  
"I guess I shouldn't blame you. It seems like our whole high school thing was sh!t. We were always hurting each other," he said softly. I could tell he was looking at me. His eyes were cold and cruel, but his heart was trying to heal.  
  
"You're right. All we ever did back then was try to hurt one another."  
  
I turned my head over to look at Nathan, who was intensely staring at me. I slowly unwrapped myself and stood up. My body floated towards him like a ghost. I gently plopped myself down onto the bed. His body arched down next to me and leaned closely against me. His heart pulsed violently, but his face was calm. He gently placed his hand over my cheek and grazed my burning skin. His hand reached to my chin and he pushed my face to look at him.  
  
"Haley... I know you are hurting just as much as I am. God... we were so happy and then the past just haunts us..." he whispered.  
  
"Nathan... Maybe we can just forget about all those times we hurt each other. Act like it never happened. Can we?" I murmured.  
  
"Yeah... let's just forget all of those times. I—we were so happy before we brought up the past."  
  
"Yeah... Nathan, I love you."  
  
"And I love you."  
  
"I'm sorry for that night. I—"  
  
"It's ok. I'm sorry too."  
  
With my head tucked under his, I lay down next to him. I drifted off into a quiet slumber. Gently, he prodded me awake.  
  
"Haley, I've been thinking... I want to tell you something," he whispered.  
  
"What is it?" I keenly asked. His face was so calm as if he had reached a point of tranquility and clemency. His blue eyes were quiet pools of sapphire beckoning me to swim into its depths. He breathed in and stood up while holding my hand. I followed him as he led me down the stairs and out the door.  
  
As were walking, I looked up at the sky. The dazzling white moon had replaced the baking sun. The gray clouds flew scattered in the sky with twinkling stars peeping through. The New York streets were lonely, but I knew they weren't empty.  
  
His arms were wrapped around me. His face had a genuine smile, a real smile. His eyes glistened with a faintness of hope. I couldn't help but wonder what he was doing.  
  
And there was one question that was plaguing me: What the hell was going on? First, he was mad, angry, and hurt. Then, he's just not. He's happy. What's going on?  
  
After a silent walk, he led me to a quiet park.  
  
"Where are we?" I asked nimbly.  
  
"Central Park," he replied.  
  
"Don't they close at like 6?"  
  
"Yeah, but I had a special request."  
  
He beckoned me to a pond and made me sit at a rickety bench. The water of the pond rippled as a soft breeze blew by. The moon's reflection on the pond made a big white circle sparkle on top of the water. The trees swished and the sky darkened. It looked peaceful, yet deadly quiet. Almost as if the park had a mystery. And it didn't help that Nathan was acting strange...  
  
He sat there relaxed, his blue eyes filled with happiness. After staring at the pond, he finally spoke.  
  
"When you were asleep, I thought about us. Our whole relationship—the past, the present, and... the future... I remember when we were in high school, I used to hate how you split us apart. I didn't know why. I mean, I thought we had everything, but you just didn't want it. I thought it was an excuse and that made me angry. To think that you not only didn't want us, you just didn't want me."  
  
"Nathan—"  
  
"Let me finish Hales. And I think I finally understand why. Why we couldn't be together. God, we were so fcuked up. Just look at that Christmas Eve. We screwed up so many times. I don't think we could've lasted so long with all of that pressure. Today, I felt so... hurt. I was thinking about breaking us up and leaving. But, I couldn't. I looked at you and then it just dawned on me. If we were together back then, we would be screwed up. And that night was just an example. And you knew that. I love you so much more for realizing that. You make everything right and perfect. I don't want to lose you."  
  
He turned his face towards me and then slid his hand into his coat pocket only to reveal a diamond ring. He got up slowly and put one knee on the ground.  
  
"Will you marry me?"  
  
Those four words rang in my ears and sent my heart pounding.  
  
Wow... People always said that this moment would be special, but I never thought it'd be like this. So breath-taking, mind-numbing, and heart- warming.  
  
Tears spilled down my cheeks as I lunged towards him and engulfed him in a hug. I pulled my face up to his and kissed him passionately while my arms draped over his shoulders. Then I leaned over towards his ear and whispered the words that would change us forever.


	23. A Tall Tale for the Cocktail Parties

**AN: Thanks for the reviews! I have the next chapter done already, but I have to edit a bit. REVIEW PLEASE! Enjoy! And be warned, this chapter is sappy! Usually, I'm not sappy, I'm more sarcastic in my other fics but cmon. I had to be a complete sap for this chapter! **

**Chapter 23: A Tall Tale for the Cocktail Parties**  
  
"How could I say no?" I whispered softly into his ear. His face immediately shone with radiance. His blue eyes sparkled like sapphire pools. My hand gently caressed his face as I slowly leaned in.  
  
Our lips met and the kiss was gentle and sweet. He put his hands on my thighs and I draped my hands around his neck. Our bodies were positioned quite comfortable to say the least.  
  
After we pulled apart, our breaths became short with excitement. Never had I imagined for marriage to be so near. Suddenly, images of children and pets in a little suburban house flashed into my mind. These futuristic thoughts only brought my smiling face to a place where keen happiness only lay. All that lay ahead was the future. And now I knew Nathan was going to be a definite part of it.  
  
The crushing doubts that had plagued me earlier had melted away. The previously woeful worries had filled me with such drastic grief, that I just fell asleep. I needed to escape the hellish nightmare. And now it had become a dream. A dream so surreal and happy, I almost expected a guy to jump out and scream "April fools!" But the guy never came, and reality soon took over.  
  
Tears glided down my cheeks and dripped off my chin. Nathan's hand tenderly wiped the tears away and smiled. I never saw such happiness in him before. Then he leaned in for another kiss and I obliged happily.  
  
As we tore apart, his hands met mine. His fingers to my fingers, his palm to my palm. His hands were so much more bigger than mine. With both of our hands touching, he spoke softly with a radiant smile.  
  
"Haley, I promise I will always be there. That I won't ever leave you... because I need you and I love you."  
  
"And I need you and love you. I promise you, wherever you are, I will always love you."  
  
His face glowed even more and his smile grew even wider. His blue eyes crinkled with happiness. His hands gently moved away from mine and reached for the diamond ring. Slowly, he slid the ring up my finger. The cool golden band sent shivers down my spine. The diamond piece dazzled in the moonlight and sent crystalline beams of light onto the ground. I looked at the jewel and felt a rush of amazement.  
  
"It was my great grandmother's" Nathan said seeing my astonishment.  
  
"Nathan... This is too much..."  
  
"No, no its not. It's too little."  
  
"But—"  
  
"It's for you, Hales. It's special to me."  
  
"Well then, I guess I need to get you something too, huh?"  
  
"That's not part of a traditional engagement Hales," he said his voice teasing.  
  
"But I want you to have something special too," I pouted.  
  
"But—"  
  
"No buts mister. I am going to get you something."  
  
"Well who am I to argue with the great Haley James?" he teased.  
  
"Yep who are you? O wait, you're my fiancé!"  
  
"I'm gonna like getting used to that."  
  
"Me too."  
  
"But you know what I'll like even more?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Mrs. Haley Elizabeth Scott."  
  
"Ooo I like that one more too."  
  
He stood up and took my hand. We stared at each other for a moment. The wind blew around us and enveloped us into a whirl of colorfully red leaves. As it receded, Nathan once again tugged at my hand, my hand that had a brilliantly gleaming jewel that just screamed "look who got engaged!"  
  
I followed him to a stone laden path, where the trees bent down like they were welcoming you majestically. It merged into a wooden bridge. As we crossed over, I gazed at the below stream. The clear fresh water gently rumbled as it splashed along. The silver glittering fish sped by whilst the gentle murmur of crickets and bumble bees flowed through the air like music.  
  
As we crossed the bridge, Nathan pulled me near the stream. Afloat the stream was a maroon boat. It gently knocked at the stones on the river's bed. He pulled me along.  
  
"Awww... Nathan..."  
  
"C'mon my soon to be Mrs. Scott."  
  
"You're just a hunk of sweet love aren't ya?" I said in a southern accent.  
  
"Sure am, it's why you just can't resist the Scott charm."  
  
He held my hand as I climbed aboard the small rocking boat. The boat gently dipped into the clear water and splashed around, scaring away the fish. I sat down on the boat's bench as he climbed in. He untied the rope from the boat and let it glide down the clear stream. Then he sat down on the opposite bench.  
  
"Welcome to the Love Boat," he said jokingly.  
  
He leaned towards me and saw me smile. It's funny, but this darn smile just won't disappear.  
  
"So ya like it?" he asked with obvious concern.  
  
"I love it," I said with sincerity as I gazed at his blue eyes and saw them crinkle again with happiness.  
  
As the boat glided down the stream, the marvelous view took my breath away. Flighty deer pronged through the surrounding wildlife with such startling ease. As the older deer grazed at the lush grass, the younger ones nuzzled against their mothers. It was a sight to behold.  
  
Frogs ribbeted and jumped in unison as they frolicked to other waters. They splashed playfully into the surrounding ponds and landed on the floating lily pads. Then they dived into the pond water and swam using their hind legs. It was so amazing to see these seemingly slimy creatures live in such an exciting place.  
  
Birds fluttered by and sang such mellifluous sounds that flowed like thick sweet honey. As an incoming wave of birds flew by, they colored the sky a whole new shade, a thick mass of grays and blues. Landing in the trees, their nests revealed families of birds. I even eyed an amazing sight, where a mother bird had dug into the slushy mud, pulled out a squirming worm, and fed her newborn with affection.  
  
Dragonflies glazed over above, displaying the wondrous beauty of their wings. As their green bodies twisted in the air, their wings fluttered and showed the sparkling glitter intertwined in the rapidly moving wings. The moon's light shone through their transparent wings. One dragonfly landed on my finger and stood there with stillness. I cupped it in my hand and presented it to Nathan.  
  
"Here, I want to show you something," I said softly with my cupped hands in front of him.  
  
"What is it?" he asked.  
  
"Look," I said. I opened my hands and the brilliantly glittering dragonfly flew into the dark night, its wings sparkling under the moonlight. I looked over at him and saw him dazed.  
  
"You are the most amazing person I have ever known," he said with astonishment. I smiled as I wrung my arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. After all he did, he earned it wink wink.  
  
It was almost magical. Here we were, two bodies closing the space between us fast, gripping each other with a thirst for more. I couldn't help but feel the warm glow of love fervently run through my tingling body. It felt invigorating to know that as he nipped at my neck and whispered "I love you", we were engaged. Officially engaged.  
  
His hand slipped under my shirt and circled my belly button. He drew his hand up and down my stomach as I felt electricity light up the hairs on my back. While he was his soft hands made their journey around, my own hands swung around his neck. As he kissed my neck, I looked down at my engagement ring and a sudden burst of ecstasy wavered through my veins. Sounds of wedding bells echoed in my head as I imagined the best day of my life.  
  
I met his mouth with a full on kiss that left me shivering. His warm arms draped around me, keeping me warm. My hands trailed down towards his shirt and began unbuttoning it. I feverishly ripped each button open with my teeth, not hiding my giddy eagerness.  
  
Just as all the buttons were successfully unbuttoned, a light flashed onto us. We looked up startled like a couple of nestling deer in headlights. The blinding light gleaned over us as our bodies lay on top of each other.  
  
"What you're doing is illegal in public places," the man chuckled. He was a round man wearing a security outfit and angling a flashlight down at us. We stared back, obviously flustered.  
  
"We—we're sorry sir. We didn't mean to—" Nathan stuttered nervously, but he was interrupted by the man.  
  
"No sweat, just try not to umm... for lack of a better word, copulate in public places," he laughed. "I remember when me and the Missus used to go at it like that... ahhh young love... You two young love birds better fly outta here though. There might be a storm heading this way."  
  
"Thank you sir," I mumbled, my face burning with utter humiliation. He chuckled again and treaded out onto the pathway.  
  
I stared at Nathan, his eyes boring into mine. Slowly, our embarrassed faces cracked into smiles and we burst out laughing.  
  
"I will most certainly never forget this day," I laughed.  
  
"Yeah, what other couple got into a fight, got engaged, almost had sex on a boat in Central Park, and got caught all in one day?"  
  
"No one I know, that's for sure."  
  
"It'll be a story worth telling at cocktail parties, huh?"  
  
"No, it'll be a story worth telling at the wedding reception."  
  
"Good thinking Mrs. Scott, let's just not tell the 'rents"  
  
"Just what I was thinking Mr. Scott."  
  
As he roped the boat to a wooden stump, he slipped his hand into mine and kissed it.  
  
"Come with me Mrs. Scott," he said as he walked over the boat's edge and landed softly onto the ripened earth. I climbed over with his helping hands.  
  
We began our trek out of Central Park. Once we found the path, we cuddled closer together and walked down the path. With the clunking of our feet against the earthen trail, the sound of nature's music beckoned us to loose our fears and lull into this light dream.  
  
We walked peacefully down the path unaware of the light drizzle sprinkling a light misty spray over us. Soon, the drizzle turned into droplets and couldn't be ignored. The rain dripped from the tree's leaves and glazed my hair with dampness. After a minute of walking, the water had begun to start pelting down, leaving us both drenched.  
  
Together, we ran down the path, holding hands. Our bodies mingled closely together, as the clothes began to stick. I let out an escaped giggle and couldn't suppress my joyous laughter as we jogged out of this wet jungle. Together, Nathan and I laughed holding each other.  
  
Once we had exited the park, we stood out in the rain. Just then, a limousine rolled by and parked in front of us.  
  
"O my god Nathan! This is too much!" I exclaimed.  
  
"Nothing is too much for you," he replied as he opened the door and ushered me in. I jumped inside and dragged him in.  
  
"A lady with strength, just what I like," he said. I rolled my eyes, but toppled over him and began kissing him with unleashed passion. He gently pulled away and smiled at me, knowing that I was happy.  
  
"Where d'ya want to go?" he asked keenly.  
  
"I don't know," I sheepishly answered.  
  
"C'mon think Mrs. Scott, where in New York City would you like to go?"  
  
"How about back to the motel?"  
  
"Of all places, you want to go back to that rat shack?"  
  
"Yep," I said as smiled knowingly at him.  
  
"Ooo I like the way you think Mrs. Scott," he said to me as he moved in for a kiss. Then he turned part of his attention to the limo driver. "Can you take us to Loman's Motels?"  
  
"The one downtown?" the driver asked confused.  
  
"Yep," Nathan answered as he looked at me.  
  
"Alright sir, but that's the last place on earth I thought you'd want to go," the driver replied as he rolled up the private window.  
  
I laughed and wrapped my arms around Nathan's neck and sat on his lap. He looked straight into my eyes and leaned down on me. His heavy body heaved down and tumbled over, lying straight on top of my rather smaller form.  
  
I kissed his neck and tasted the scent of his cologne; it was bittersweet. I made my way to his ear and whispered a clear "I love you" before returning to the passionate kisses. His hands roamed freely over my body. The barrier between us and celebrating this night the proper way were our water soaked clothes.  
  
The drenched clothes stuck to our bodies. As his hands grazed over my skin, my wet skin shivered from the pure feeling of unequivocal love. My mouth reached his and the battle of the tongues ensued.  
  
Suddenly, the limousine came to an abrupt stop. The driver knocked on the private window and said "we're here." Nathan and I separated, breathing erratically.  
  
"Thank you sir," I said. Nathan got out and held my hand as I followed him. The driver then rolled down his window.  
  
"Have fun kids," he smiled good naturedly at us.  
  
"Thanks," Nathan said. Then he winked and added "we will" before turning around and going into the motel.  
  
As the rain continued it's fury of constant downpour, we ran into our room. As we entered breathlessly, I shut the door and leaned against it, smiling mischievously. He rushed towards me and kissed me passionately. He then wrapped his arms around my body and carried me to the bed. I gazed at him and felt his strong muscles working. As he slowly plopped me down, I pulled him roughly down and kissed him intensely.  
  
The only coherent thoughts flashing through my mind consisted of "I love Nathan Scott" and t4hose ringing wedding bells.  
  
It seemed out of my grasp, but unbelievably it had just happened. I was engaged. Not just engaged to some scumbag, but to a man I love and will undoubtedly love forever. The wedding vows I planned to say were already echoing through my head as we celebrated the night properly: with raw open passion.


End file.
